Day 150: Inter the Suicide Net

Suicide Nets

Suicide by Worker

Inside Apple’s Foxconn Factories everything remains the same, however, outside the building of the factory giant - which employs 1.2 million people and supplies many of the biggest names in consumer internet gadgets and iPhones – the ‘net’ is taking on more and more meaning.

Employee dormitories are now equipped with protective and/or suicide nets which can be seen in the picture below.

When I saw the picture – which has been making it’s rounds on face book – something about it just didn’t sit well with me.  One doesn’t have to be the smartest kid in class to know by now that people within our world don’t really give a shit about each other no matter how much we pretend to.

The proof of how little we care is everywhere. We don’t care about the thirty-thousand + number of children around the world who starve to death daily, or the thousands upon thousands of people who don’t have clean water to drink, or even a toilet to shit in.  We only care about me, me, me and what can I get, get, get so I can FEEL better.  Ever notice the FEE in feeling?

So what’s the purpose of providing nets to the 1.2 million employees in China who are slaves to 76-hour work weeks?  That’s working 11 days in a row earning as little as £150 a month so that the rest of us – who don’t really give a shit about their overworked and underpaid lifestyle – can get some internet gadgets and iphones.

The way I see it, the nets that have been placed outside the factory dormitories, they’re like ‘hush money’, and prove how we exist in absolute denial of the Real Problem that exists within our current world/money systems.

It’s like saying: ” you know what, we really don’t care whether or not you want to kill yourself on our time but by God at least the nets will make sure you aren’t able to do it where the world can see it because the world doesn’t want to witness your suffering because we fear seeing the truth of what we accept and allow, so if we don’t see your pain we’ll never have to face ourself in realizing how equality is all that will make us stop caring only about making money.“

When is enough enough?

Sharing is Caring - Investigate: Equal Money

Day 149: You hurt my feelings character

My son’s birthday was a few days ago. I wasn’t able to talk to him or see him and I told myself that I was ok with that. I lied.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to lie to myself when I fear because I convinced myself it makes me ‘feel’ better when the fact is lying further suppresses within me that which I’m avoiding taking responsibility for.

The last words that my son said to me were: “you’re not my mom, you’re just a lady who gave birth to me”.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when I think about my son, I fear when I realize that I can’t talk to him and/or go see him, then I become angry and suppress my anger by becoming a character of ‘you hurt my feelings‘, and within that I forgive myself for how I’ve used the memory of our past argument as a defense mechanism which creates physical pain within me within the illusion of it all in how I’ve held in and on to the memory of his words as if they are jagged edged swords piercing deep within me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how holding onto memories keeps me committed to the past and thus never evolving as a living being but only evolving within methods of protection to defend the memory/past within a definition of self as it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how I have used my son’s words to create a character of and as my mind as the ‘you hurt my feelings’ character and as such I continue to walk and live the consequences of my own self-interest in believing that what has been done cannot be undone because I’ve reLIED upon and lived as those words through feelings and emotions which I’ve accepted and allowed to guide me into having experiences of myself accordingly and as such, I’ve not yet realized the extent that I myself have misused and abused the living word itself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold an image/picture within myself of myself of how to raise a child, when in fact. I didn’t know the first thing in how to prepare a child to care for themselves and/or their physical reality in order to guarantee a world ready and able to nourish and sustain life on earth into and as eternity according to what’s best for All.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the thought as an image/picture to come up within me of when my son was a baby and how having him made me feel proud and on top of the world and how in that one moment I took for granted that I would/could be a great mom when in fact I wasn’t prepared to raise the baby/son and the man to be, yet, I held onto him as if he was a puppy that I could train to love me.

Sometimes, to make myself ‘feel’ better, I imagine everything between him and I is suddenly, magically alright.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take myself from what I perceive within my mind as a negative experience to then a positive one through imagining everything suddenly is alright between the two of us, when I see, realize and understand that this is how me as my mind has always justified my avoiding taking self-responsibility for myself and others as myself, because in doing so within my mind I never actually face myself and/or never walk any real change of myself into and as who I am within and as my physical reality.

I still have a strong feeling that says: “How dare you”
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be the kind of parent who reacts to my child within a matter of duty, as if my child owes me something for bringing him/her into this world and thus my actions demand respect,  when in fact,  I see the common sense in how as a parent I failed my children in that I took for granted that I knew and was teaching them what mattered most in life, such as love and God, when the truth is, I was only teaching them what was taught to me and what was taught to my parents,  and in self-honesty, I see, realize and understand how as parents we’ve not investigated our world for ourselves, thus we’ve been living knowledge and information and have not actually been prepared to teach our children how to become a responsible human being as one who recognizes and shares the understanding of the Equality of Life of and as all living beings and supports their world accordingly.

The last time I saw my son was a year ago.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to regret who I physically become within and as the ‘you hurt my feelings’ character wherein when I’m around my son I walk with my head slightly tilted to the right which I now see is how I walk when I’m in deep thought, thus, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to regret not moving myself in the way I really wanted to which was to physically embrace him within self-honesty and complete acceptance.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to walk my process within wants, desires and expectations of seeking to control others/my children in order for me to have and behave as that which I was seeking in self-interest.

When and as I see myself existing as the character of and as my mind of/as: ‘you hurt my feelings’, I stop, I breathe. I see, realize and understand that feelings manifest who I’ve become as characters/personalities, and that the only power that feelings and emotion have over me is the power that I give them through my participating in and as thoughts and energetic reactions of and as polarity experiences, thus I commit myself to stop patterns of taking a negative experience of myself to that of a positive one in order to justify the demons of who and how I have existed as within my past, therefore, I commit myself to stop who I am as the memory of the words that my son once said to me and I commit myself to purify into life the words we live by and as daily.

I commit myself to stop lying to myself and others as myself and to commit myself to stop walking my process within regret, guilt, wants, desires, energy and expectations.

I commit myself to show how through self-forgiveness one can let go the past and begin a process of healing self from the inside out which can and will manifest unto and as the world as self.

I commit myself to see, realize and understand that I cannot fully receive from anyone that which I’m not yet willing to give to all Equally.

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‎”Parents are not Instructed how to Instruct Children and are thus Not Qualified to be Instructors and are thus Destructors that will even Defend their Right to Destroy their Children in spite of the Fact that if one’s not Trained in Effective Direct Instruction, one is in fact Not Qualified to have Children under one’s Supervision and would Never Employ someone Unqualified to do a Job – yet the most Important Job on Earth, which is to Instruct Newborn Children, is allowed to be Instructed by Unqualified, Inadequate Trainers – resulting in a World where No One is in fact Ever Qualified or Instructed to be part of a Society that is Best for All Present on Earth.” – Bernard Poolman

Day 142: Healing the Rite of Passage

Dental appointments, pain, pain medication, and worrying about money has taught me quite a bit about myself these past couple of weeks. Another week and I’ll be through with dental appointments for awhile. One thing for sure that I’ve missed is daily blogging and, I’ve realized just how assisting the daily Journey to Life blogging is. I’ve become more aware of how when I don’t blog daily, I want to wander around in my mind participating in and as my thoughts – which are actually self-interest driven desires and fear… Through self-forgiveness I realize I’ve had enough and I stop and breathe and realize something amazing. I become aware of how beautifully supportive my physical body is in that even while I’m sucking the life out of myself through participating in and as my mind, me as my physical body is busy healing me for me to see who I am as it and to stop abusing myself to death, and I am grateful.  Walking here self-forgiveness for my most recent mind/thought and fear patterns…

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how when I participate in and as thoughts I begin to experience myself as ‘feeling’ overwhelmed and disappointed with emotional wind gusts where inside my mind I fear myself as I fall victim to energetic outflows and separate myself from myself, and I forgive myself that I lose all touch with my senses as who I am as me as my physical body and I begin to believe that I’m ‘depressed’ when in fact I’m only reacting in separation to/of the very thoughts, feelings and/or emotions/reactions that I’ve given power to through the very act of participating in and as them in allowing my mind as consciousness to direct who I am as I try and make myself believe that I am having an ‘experience’ of myself as living as life, when in fact the energetic experience/outflow is an act of allowing death to me as my phsical body, instead of directing myself as who I really am as life equal to and one with absolutely Everything and All Living beings here.

I commit myself to stop participating in and as thoughts, feelings and emotions/reactions creating fear in and as me as my physical body and to instead commit myself to breathe and realize that here within and as me as my physical body within this physical earth reality I have the will in self-honesty to direct who I am as life in supporting myself to support a world/money system supportive of all living beings according to what’s best for All.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how within thoughts of/as my secret mind I become a stranger in possession of/as who I am as my physical body because when I participate in/as thoughts, feelings and emotions/reactions I don’t see, realize and understand the consequences of how as such I am literally sucking the life out of me as my physical body.

I commit myself to support me as my physical body within the healing process of and as self-honesty, because I see, realize and understand that my physical body is constantly showing me how healing begins within every breath, thus, I commit myself to walking the healing process of myself by stopping me as my mind as consciousness, and directing me as life from and as my physical body to thus support a World according to what’s best for All.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear missing out on an experience of myself as/on energy, where it’s like I’m in a rerun of myself, whereas in my mind as consciousness, I’m still trying to run a race for/to have something and/or to be something that was and is never real, yet, one in which I believed myself as needing in order to face myself as my mind within and as a belief/fear of which I succumbed to/as of growing old and aging.

I commit myself to stop the fear of growing old and aging, to breathe, and realize myself in walking the seemingly small steps in supporting myself to see who I am in self-honesty in order to stop who I’ve been through the eyes of my mind, to thus begin to realize myself in equality and oneness within and as me as my physical body and our physical world/reality/existence.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as a has been, as someone who is to old to be something more within a perception of myself as being less than who I am as my physical body based upon how I think, feel and fear and within that, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize who I am as my physical body free from the limitation of thoughts, feelings and emotions/reactions and fears of growing old/aging.

I commit myself to realize how the fear of aging is an acceptance of myself within and as a belief of and as consciousness and in separation of who I am as my physical body thus, I commit myself to focus on breathing and to stop racing within myself to reach a point of consolation as a belief within my mind and to instead direct myself to communicate with me as my physical body in realizing that my physical body is here supporting, giving and allowing me the opportunity of and as life itself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define who I am according to ritualized forms of recognition referred to as ‘the right of passage’,  because I see, realize and understand how the only ‘rite of passage’ that will mark the process and/or progress for and of me in any way that matters is one where, I thus commit myself to redefine my ‘rite of passage’ to one where in self-honesty I direct myself to birth myself as life from the physical, walking in support for and of a world where suffering ends and where through an Equal Monetary System every living being is Guaranteed a Life lived in Dignity according to and as All as One as Equal.

Day 128: Fear Factor

Today I became aware of how I was existing in fear as I was talking to and scheduling an upcoming appointment for myself. Thus the following self-forgiveness.

I forgive myself for not realizing how through love and friendship I have created my own illusion of ‘feeling’ safe and happy – where momentarily, I perceive myself as no longer feeling alone and lonely – instead of realizing how I have accepted and allowed the perception of myself to willingly participate within energetic experiences where I believed myself as having lived a life that was happy, safe and fulfilled according to the illusion I created through love and friendships – how I failed to recognize that I sabotage myself through undermining the cause of/as who I am in hiding in shame of/as the fear of being alone and the fear of others, thus, I forgive myself that I have through and as memories/characters and personalities participated in/as thoughts within my mind, as well as internal conversations/backchat and energy experiences as reactions of emotions and feelings through my physical behaviors – which change in how I interact within my environment according to the people I come in contact with as I maintain a sense of survival within this word in how I’ve accepted and allowed Money to be the Number One motivating Fear Factor and, within that, I forgive myself for not realizing the extent of how I developed and maintained myself as Ego, Greed and Self-interest in order to reach a level of functionality, thus, I see, realize and understand how fear is the motivator within how and why our world exists as hell on earth and how and why I have chosen to ignore who/what I have existed as within my secret mind because as my mind, I feared change, because real change requires that I change from within, thus, I forgive myself for not being completely willing to give up that which I use as entertainment, which I use as a way of avoiding facing my responsibility in how our world exists, and I see how I have existed within resistance to change because I didn’t want to upset the character I perceived myself to be even as I see the cords of slavery dangling within the discord of and as life, and within that, I forgive myself for not realizing how I have blamed, judged and projected myself in/as the characters of/as my mind onto others to reinforce the fear within me as them being the reason for my constant internal fear of loss, thus, I forgive myself for not realizing how all separation is fear of loss and is what keeps us enslaved to/as the direction of/as our mind as consciousness.

I commit myself to stop existing in fear of loss and for how I’ve used fear to become characters and personalities to take on roles of falling in love and friendships to boost me as ego in order to further fuel my own illusion, to avoid facing me within what I’ve accepted and allowed to exist according to the abuse within and as our current world/money system – thus, I commit myself to breathe and stand in Support of an Equal Money system, to assist us to Support Each other to see, realize and understand that fear only exists when we are participating within and as it as our mind as consciousness.

I Commit myself to walk in self-honesty, to unravel who I am within the totality of and as my mind as consciousness – to stop manifesting more and more of the mess we exist within, as fears and dishonesties – to be responsible for how the world/money systems of this world exist as and to Stand up and Change me through self-corrective application, to thus support a system which supports a World according to what’s best for All.

“I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that Enlightenment is the Justification Used to Protect the Greed of Happiness as a Value that Must Be Pursued Regardless of Conditions Caused By the World System, because the Enlightened Make themselves Believe that the Physical World is an Illusion, But the Enlightened will Not Test their theory through Embracing Poverty by Living WITHOUT Money, and In fact Do Just the OPPOSITE and Focus on Accumulating More Money to Protect themselves Against the REALITY of Poverty.” Bernard Poolman

“I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that FORGIVENESS is a Gift Given to Self to bring an END to the Illusion of a MINDSELF that is a Self Created Illusion, as Energy Presented as THOUGHTS, Feelings, and Emotions.” Bernard Poolman

Day 126: Hunger Games Self-Committment statements

This blog is a continuation to: Day 125: Hunger Games – -

I commit myself to stop my fear of facing me within the abuse and neglect that I see that I have accepted and allowed and have assisted as in supporting how life on earth exists for the thousands upon thousands who suffer and/or starve to death daily at the hands of our current world/money system.

Artwork by: Agnieszka Dine

I commit myself to forgive and let go of/stop the anger within myself that I realize I have existed as where I have projected blame onto others and within that have contributed to the abuse existent within and as our world, thus, I commit myself to show how the nature of who we are as our thoughts and our thinking process which we participate within, is the glue that is holding the abuse in full force within our world and how through self-forgiveness we are able to support ourself to effectively change, thus I commit myself to realign myself through a self-corrective application to thus redesign and assist myself to become the living change required in order to support a world according to what’s best for All.

I commit myself to show how the entertainment industry which we accept and allow within our world is a direct result of and in complete support of our world/money system of which the majority of us as humanity are enslaved to, thus, I commit myself to show how we are not what we’ve accepted and allowed ourselves to believe ourselves to be as the direction of consciousness simply because it’s coming up within us, and that we are capable to stop and direct and commit ourselves to take self-responsibility and establish an environment on earth based upon principles that support All life Equally.

I commit myself to show how there is enough resources available on/from earth to provide for the physical bodies of all living beings, thus no one need to ever go to bed hungry, homeless or abused in any way.

I commit myself to comprehend and thus support an Education system that will be designed to provide everyone with proper skills in reading, mathematics and communication in order to establish a healthy, equal relationship with each other as a humanity, nature and animals so as to provide each with the adequate necessities for a practical living environment.

I commit myself to remaining constant and gentle with myself as I continue my daily walk of The Journey to Life.

“I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that when the Actual FUNCTIONING of the MIND and the Physical Body is Understood, All the Lies of Enlightenment will End and will No Longer form the Foundation from which Cruelty is justified.” ~ Bernard Poolman

Day 125: Hunger Games

Please reference and/or watch the Movie Hunger Games for context – -

I forgive myself for not realizing how our world/money system keeps us enslaved to and as a humanity in crisis.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to support a world/money system where for entertainment purposes the rich continue to profit while we accept and allow movies that make a mockery out of the reality of our world – where there are literally thousands who die daily from starvation yet we ignore hunger as we accept and allow the perception/denial within and as our mind that life is a game – to the point where the movies make ‘lessons’ of life when life is Not a lesson, and how we accept and allow ideas for/as entertainment into and as our minds in order to numb us to the reality of what is real and deadly within our world/reality – even though the facts in/of and as life prove to us how suffering and despair is increasing within our capitalistic money system while the social violence of oppression and poverty remain intact and growing rapidly, while we sit and watch through the eyes of our own enslavement.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to spite and blame others for the making of the movie Hunger Games, instead of realizing how I exist as, and accept and allow the same within me as those who were directly involved in and responsible for the making of the movie, thus, I am equally responsible for existing as the same system of acceptance of and as the systems of abuse within and as our world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed in silence that which I’m ashamed to admit in how I am responsible for and have defended and supported our current money system while trying to make sense of the struggle I exist as within just trying to survive it and, how I have denied that I’m a slave, because after all, I’m able to freely shop where I want to shop, however, I never realized how what I buy is subject to the approval of those who have more money than me, thus, I forgive myself for not realizing that I have never had control of/or free will over my life because the details of what I’m allowed to be and what I’m able to pick and choose from, have already been chosen for me, thus, I see, realize and understand that I am a slave to the very system in which I support, thus I am a slave to myself in every moment that I continue to support a system that does Not support All Life according to what’s Best For All.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within ego, greed and pride to such a degree that I never realized how I have lived my life as if I’m racing to win a game and within that have been so stuck in my own mind of thoughts and in feeling sorry for myself that I never considered that something is very wrong with our current world/education/money system.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to while watching the movie: Hunger Games to ‘feel’ overwhelmed, where I saw how I had backchat thoughts within my mind of: “we might as well give up because we’ll never change because the reality of our world is very similar already to the movie” and, I forgive myself for not realizing how movies like ‘Hunger Games’ are made to support our current world/money system by capitalizing on our feelings and emotions using fear and intimidation, thus, I see, realize and understand that ‘We Are the System’, and therefore We / I can make the Decision to see movies like ‘Hunger Games’ as a definitive ‘wake up’ call – to see for ourself that in order for real change to occur within this world is going to require us coming together as a group to support each other – and how only with an Equal Money System are we prepared with the Solution to bring about Heaven on Earth.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within the positive polarity of and as a feel-good energy in how I’ve defined myself according to the words: ‘May the odds ever be in your favor’, where within that I have believed that life is about the ‘luck of the draw’, when in fact, life as how we’ve lived it, is about who has the most money/power and is the only thing that determines life as we know it, thus I forgive myself for accepting and allowing world/money systems where we place odds on living and dying as we place those with money in power to play the odds in determining who of us lives and/or dies, therefore, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manifest a world/money system that is ineffective in that it produces enslavement of/for the very people who support it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience anxiety within me as my physical body when watching the movie ‘Hunger Games’, where I felt my heartbeat increase and a flush of heat throughout the middle area of my body and, I forgive myself for becoming angry at how hunger and the constant struggle to survive life was made ‘light of’ within the movie, just like it is made ‘light of’ within our physical reality within and as the acceptance and allowance of our current world/money system.

I forgive myself for not realizing how I put the thoughts of and as my mind above me as my physical body and this physical reality and how within that is where I see I fall, because only as the direction of and as consciousness as my mind do I think/participate in ways to have and be more than my neighbor thus, I forgive myself for not realizing the extent of how our mind directs us against each other only because we allow it.

I forgive myself for not realizing how I project my fears onto the children of this world in how I accept and allow myself to imagine the worst possible scenario because I realize that as it stands right now, our world is not fit for any child being born, thus, I fear seeing what’s going to become of the child who becomes the adult who has never known what it’s like to have a stable home life, food to eat and clean water and, I forgive myself for not realizing that within the education system that is provided for them, very few who will ever achieve a level of training and certification that will assist them to find an effective job, thus, I fear what’s to become of our future children, because they aren’t given the tools of how to effectively support themselves and their/our World Responsibly.

to be continued…

Day 107: Commitment

Self-Corrective/Self-Commitment Statements for the following Blogs:
Day 105: Stage Fright
Day 106: A Play in One Act as Drama – -

I see, realize and understand that when I experience fear I am accessing a memory as the cause of my fear and within that I have been creating as a protection, characters of myself, thus, I commit myself to stop, to breathe, and remain aware of myself in and as such a character, in seeing, realizing and understanding that when I am ‘in character’, I will look for love as a medicine/cure for the fear I am accepting and allowing myself to experience, thus, I Stop. I Breathe.

I commit myself to stop the act of me as a ‘character’ of and as my mind, who fears becoming ‘homeless/penniless’, because I see, realize and understand how and when I began existing as such a character as a way to protect myself from the fear I have existed as where within that fear I also become a ‘drama queen character’, and, a ‘what if character’ – all of which, when I am existing as them – I fear losing the comfort of places and things within my life that I hold onto as a positive experience of myself, thus, I commit myself to, through self-corrective application stop myself within and as such memories/characters which are a limitation of me as consciousness.

I commit myself to show through writing, self-forgiveness and self-corrective application how it is possible to stop self from role playing within and as our mind as memories/characters and personalities and to take self-responsibility for ourselves and others within our world as ourselves.

I commit myself to stop the characters of and as my mind of/as memories which I see, realize and understand are all points of fear within myself that I’ve feared into being as a living expression of who, what and how I’ve come to exist as, and according to what I’ve accepted and allowed to exist as within and as my world, and, I see, realize and understand that I am the one who decides who I am, and I chose to Stand up and face myself in self-honesty and stand in support of a world according to what’s best for all.

I commit myself to stop waiting for and as ‘what if’s', and to instead face myself here within this moment, to move myself physically in the direction that is supportive to and as All life within and as Equality.

I commit myself to show that memories/characters/personalities keep us set within a limited expression of ourselves where in fear we accept and allow ourself directed by/as consciousness, which is Not who we really are, thus, I commit myself to in self-honesty through self-corrective application, walk the Journey to Life in showing that life is here to be realized free from fear and limitation and how through self-forgiveness and consistency one can walk standing up according to that which is best for All.

I commit myself to show that one Does Not require motivation through fear as emotions and feelings to guide self to be that which we are as life in and as equality and oneness.

I commit myself to show that the condition of the world can and will change with Equal Money and that the only condition necessary and relevant is that of equality as what is best for all life in all ways.

I commit myself to stop limiting myself according to memories as fear as characters of and as my mind which I see, realize and understand separates me from me as my physical body.

I commit myself to enjoying myself within and this Journey to Life in/as seeing, realizing, understanding, investigating and comprehending every aspect of me as who I am within and as me as my physical body in how I am one within and without equal to and one as everything and all here.

Day 106: A Play in One Act as Drama

This post is a continuation from:
Day 105: Stage Fright

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear losing everything and becoming ‘penniless’ which is the exact word I heard my mom say often when I was growing up, where she would in fear and frustration defend her over-spending to my dad by saying “we’re not ‘yet’ penniless”.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to secretly fear the unknown within the meaning of what my mom meant when she said, “we’re not ‘yet’ penniless”.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed a picture image as a thought of my mom and dad sitting at the dining room table once a week ‘going over the bills‘ – where as children me and my siblings knew better than to interrupt them, in what became a weekly occasion of disagreement, fear and stress with regards to money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when I’m experiencing fear – will reach out for somebody to love me, which is how me as my mind as consciousness seeks to protect itself, thus, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to repeat the same characters/patterns of behaviour that I lived and saw within my parents that I accepted and allowed myself to be and become as the abused and the abuser, all the while believing I had found the love of my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience fear of becoming homeless based on memories from my past abusive marriage – where I’ve ‘blamed’ my ex-husband for my fears, according to how I experienced myself within his threats of kicking me out of our home as well as when he left me alone on a dark road in the middle of the night, thus, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take self-responsibility for the fact that I alone create my fears and experiences through how I justify my behavior and participation within what I accepted and allowed as self-manipulation and self-victimization.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be characters of/as my mind where I lived/played out love affairs in order to put out the fear existent within me, which was/is the fear of facing myself within what I’ve accepted and allowed myself to exist as within and as our physical reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be motivated through fear to participate in/as my thoughts and emotions, thus scripting myself in/as a homeless/penniless character in accordance to those emotions, because I feared that my needs, wants and desires wouldn’t be fulfilled if for some reason I were to lose my home and/or all of my belongings.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only be concerned and fearful about what I will lose, because I’ve become so dependent upon having a positive comfortable experience for myself, that I’ve failed to comprehend how in my comfort, I accept, allow, manifest and create the opposite polarity in/as and the lives of others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself within polarity manifestations of/as my mind, to neglect me as my physical body as well as the safety and well being of/as the physical body of others and our Physical Reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within and as memories/characters/ personalities of/as my mind from the mind of my parents, developed abusive patterns of neglect against me as my physical body, where when I was waiting for my parents to finish their bill paying/arguments, I began the habit/behaviour of biting my fingernails.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within and as memories/characters/personalities of/as my mind from the mind of my parents, developed ways to satisfy myself through masturbation at a very young age and then feel guilty for doing so.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have little to no memory of me as as a child gazing upon me as my physical body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to as a child in and as fear of being alone, abandon me as my physical body to fantasize about falling in love within and as my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how emotional responses/reactions become the consequence of me trying to fulfill who I am in self-interest as needs, wants and desires of the mind as consciousness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how participating in thoughts lead to feelings/emotions which lead to physical actions, which lead to physical manifested consequences which result in abuse to/as our physical body and our physical reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how CONflict is at the heart of all the Drama as a characters of/as our mind – where memories/thoughts/personalities turn Man against Man as a Society, and Man against our Environment/Nature as who we are as our World/Reality/Existence.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame my parents for how I experienced myself because in my participation in and as my mind, I existed in expectations wherein I expected someone and/or something outside of me to fix me as who I had become within and as the fear and feelings/emotions that I was accepting and allowing, thus, I see, realize and understand that the only one who can fix me is me is self-honesty, as it is I who decides who I am and what I am willing to accept and allow.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to never completely stand and take self-responsibility for how I have experienced myself within my life because I accepted what I was told by other’s in fear, as something I had to accept – instead of investigating and questioning for myself how and why and the part I play within everything that is here.

to be continued

Day 105: Stage Fright

The past couple of days, I’ve felt like I was experiencing first night jitters and/or stage fright, because me as my mind, was trying to ease myself into the idea of possibly becoming the Homeless Character – for real. Now this is a character I have memories of in how I have scripted myself within fear of being homeless.

So when we began to have huge fires surrounding our area – and no insurance coverage for our home and property – I saw how it wasn’t the fires engulfing me, it was the fear of, what if?

At one point we decided we had better pack up a few things ‘just in case’, because we were told to be ready to evacuate at a moments notice. I saw how the physical act of packing eased my fears and assisted me to gain some common sense perspective. And then – the phone would ring and someone with another fire update would assist me in keeping my fear of being homeless character in control of me. By Saturday evening, me as my physical body was paying the price for the fear I had participated in, where in the pit of my stomach was pain like I’ve not had in a very long time and, I was physically and mentally exhausted – which is something I rarely experience. I was completely wore out from all of my character/role playing.

The thing is, I’m grateful for the experience, because I was able to be more aware than I’ve ever been in seeing how devastating fear is. How fear is silent as it exists within our secret mind, and very deadly to who we are as our physical bodies and physical reality. I saw how our mind in fear will deceive us to the max – where when I stopped participating in thoughts of being homeless and ‘thought’ I was breathing, I wasn’t.

I was suppressing myself within fear of loss where I experienced feelings – which I shared with my partner – where I suddenly felt lonely and alone, like I wanted to go searching for that feeling one experiences when one is first falling in love. Which was how me as my mind was trying to protect itself.

When I exposed the point to my partner, another quick thought replaced the feeling, it was, ‘well then, I’ll just get high and buy a pack of cigarettes and smoke them all’. lol – I didn’t actually consider either – instead I stopped, breathed and applied self-forgiveness. The point is, the mind as consciousness will look for a quick fix, a cure/medicine for the fear and ultimately our physical bodies and our physical reality pays the ultimate price.

Fortunately, no one was seriously and/or physically injured in the fires, however, many lost their homes. It’s a humbling experience and I realized just how much self-interest and greed still exists within and as me and, I also realized how if we had an Equal Money system in place – I wouldn’t have had to face the homeless character of/as my mind nor feared becoming homeless for real.

**Within the posts to follow I will be walking the process of self-forgiveness and self-corrective/self-commitment statements – in regards to specific memories, picture images as thoughts, and, the many different characters which were triggered within my mind beginning with the fear character of becoming homeless.**

Day 97: The Character: Cheater on the Mind

Today my partner phoned to say he would be late getting home from work – then, within moments after arriving home from work, he decided to take a shower before having supper and so, I was aware in both those moments of how a picture popped into my mind, or rather an extremely fast thought which was where I went into the character of, ‘is he cheating’?

I didn’t say anything to my partner because, I was very much aware of the character attempting to take center stage where my eyes and mouth began to form physically in/as the sneaky-suspicious cheater character, that I myself have existed as in the past where I attempt to blame and accuse another as being it. I stopped myself and breathed and, I see how this character comes forth because of how and who I’ve existed as in self-dishonesty where, in numerous ways, I have cheated within my life and thus, I am here to put ‘the cheater character’ to rest once and for all, through self-forgiveness.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist as the shame in the pain within my physical body where I am experiencing ego and pride held within my shoulders and neck that I’ve existed as in how I avoid looking at me as the ‘cheater‘ of life in how I have lived in/as my secret mind where I have sought for energetic liaisons as a way of avoiding taking self-responsibility for who and what I’ve accepted and allowed to exist here in/as what I’ve referred to as a World that is free that is actually enslaved within and as our current world/money system.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in/as the cheater character as the memories/characters/personalities of the generations of women who’ve walked here before me because it is I who am completely responsible for me as who I am and what I accept and allow myself to be and become.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as a cheater beginning when I was in first grade in school in how I felt guilty when stealing candy from a store as a child and how I defined stealing as a way of cheating.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define saving/hiding and/or spending money as a form of cheating against another.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself as the word cheater where I have judged whoever I’ve been in a relationship with for cheating because in my secret mind I’ve had thoughts of cheating on them whether it was cheating through keeping money from them or having a relationship with another.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to manipulate myself into believing the excuse that when I ‘cheated’ it was because I was going through a ‘bad time’ in my life and so it was ‘ok’ to cheat because I justified my behaviour according to how I was experiencing myself in/as my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be adamant in my cheating as long as no one got hurt then I justified it as ok.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not consider the damage I create within and as my physical body according to how I accumulate stress in/as myself when I exist in acts of cheating.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Not see, realize and understand how, that which I accuse, blame and perceive myself to see existing in/as another, is in fact how and what I am existing within and as.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand how I look for in another what I can’t accept/find within myself – to thus give myself some sort of ‘feeling’ as if I’m completing myself when in fact what I’m doing is searching for a feeling that I believe is me.

I commit myself to show how through self-forgiveness one can in self-honesty stop patterns of/as memories/characters and personalities of/as the mind and walk self out of such patterns through self-corrective application.

I commit myself to no longer accept and allow myself to exist in/as a character of/as my mind through acts of cheating because I see how I manifested the definition of myself based upon emotional manipulation in order to have energetic experiences which I now see, realize and understand that I am able to stop, re-direct and realign myself in self-honesty according to what’s best for All.

I commit myself to not accept and allow myself to abdicate my responsibility to and towards myself through justifying acts of behavior within the starting point of self-dishonesty as I see, realize and understand that I am willing to be the directive principle and commit myself to change in order to be supportive in bringing forth a world according to what’s best for all.

(Please read Heaven’s Blog with regards to: Childhood Imagination Creating Characters: DAY 98)