Day 160: When Anger Hurts

I just woke up from a dream in which I saw myself in anger so vividly that I had to get up and write.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that,

I am angry in how as Americans we actually spend time talking about and believe that there is a Presidential candidate to pick from that will make a difference within our world – where an actual change will occur within our current world/money system. When we have clearly seen how 44 Presidents later and here we are, and not one has been able to bring an end to war or poverty and starvation, and that those atrocities, are not even the top 3 issues that we are concerned about resolving.

And I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that,

I am angry that instead of answering hard questions, like why do the majority of us continue to work our asses off to support the minority who have all the money, and why is it we’re alright with spending the evening hearing the same lies over and over about how things will change – when in fact, there is No real solution given that will actually assist to bring about real change – the kind of change that brings an end to all suffering.

Furthermore, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that,

I’m angry that money and whether we’ll have enough of it is always on our mind - so much so that we’ve become the human race, where the rules are that we must compete with each other to survive, and that’s all we do.

I also forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that,

I am angry for the mess we’ve made of our world, and how our children are the ones who will be left holding the bill, a debt they can never repay,  and within that, I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to be angry that we expect acts of bravery from our children when we’ve not a clue what it really means to be courageous - the kind of courage it takes to Stand up for and as All as One as Equal.

And I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that,

I am angry that I lied to my children when I said I believed in freedom when clearly the only free is in the dumbing down of those of us who work day in and day out only to be a paycheck away from homeless and hungry and,

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to

feel the shame in anger as I have witnessed the heartache of survival through the lives of those who have gone before me, where life is lived where one is either rich and getting richer, or poor and hoping to survive another day.  And,

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how,

I am angry that as parents we have accepted a money system that doesn’t care if the newborn baby just born unto this world will have food, clean water, healthcare, an education, or even a home, because we’ve not taken the time to investigate the solution where Heaven on Earth can be a reality for us all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to swell up inside myself in sorrow for the anger I see I’m existing as, and for how when I hear myself say the word anger,  I see how I have defined anger as that which I have come to ‘manage’, where within me, I store anger away so that I can continue to accept, allow and continue to support the existence of abuse within our current world/money system where the  rich profit off the suffering of the poor and how we actually tell ourselves that we’re ok with that.

Thus, I commit myself to see, realize and understand that anger only hurts when we use it against ourself and each other, therefore, I commit myself to stop suppressing who I am as anger because I see, realize and understand that anger will assist me to direct myself in common sense according to and in support of a system where life is given honor in accordance to what’s best for all.

Day 139: DIY Self-Commitment

For Context Please Read: Day 138: I Don’t Want To Grow Up – -

I commit myself to Stop the fear of aging and the fear of death and I commit myself to prove to myself what I’ve already begun to realize in that, who I am, is determined within every moment of breath.

I commit myself to show that growing up is Not something that should be easy or hard or compromising self in any way, nor is growing up about holding on to things that were, or wondering about what’s to come, instead growing up is about investigating the perceptions within and as our mind that we’ve spent our entire lives in fear of, thus, I commit myself to show that life is not about living like we are dying and then manifesting it as so – NO – Life is a Journey of forgiving and directing ourself in self-honesty in realizing that we do NOT have to fear ourself as our Mind or each other, and, we don’t have to fear getting older and/or hating each other and, we can Stop our fear of dying without having actually known who we are as Life,,,thus, We Breathe, and we Forgive Ourself for who we believed ourselves to be as our Mind of/as CONSCIOUSNESS, and We Direct who we are as Life Living what it is to Give to All as we’d like to Receive.

I commit myself to stop existing within polarity equations of positive/negative, right/wrong, happy/sad and/or pretty/ugly, because I see, realize and understand that in doing so I am actually abdicating myself from life through living in fear of me as my mind as thoughts and through participating in and as them fueling emotions, feelings and fear, therefore, I commit myself to direct me as my mind in self-honesty and through self-corrective application, stop participation of/as thoughts, and instead, Breathe and Walk.

Furthermore, I commit myself to redefine who I am as self-responsibility as I walk breath by breath becoming a living application of responsibility, where through self-forgiveness, I gift myself the ability to consider what life will become when as a GROUP, we come together to support a World according to what’s best for All – to bring an end to fear and the constant struggle to survive within our current world/money system, to thus, together show ourselves how in Giving to all that which we each require as the basic necessities for life, we realize ourselves as living expressions of and as what is to Stand accountable and responsible for and as All living beings.

Do It Your Self-Commitment

JOIN US

Stand Up for and as All Life – Support a World/Money System that will support All Life Equally.

Day 138: I Don’t Want To Grow Up

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define aging with ‘growing up’ and accepting myself as someone I’ve never wanted to be because all the grown-ups I’ve ever known who grew older became saggy, scary, grumpy and settled in as being sad, lonely and dying.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear growing up, getting old and losing all of my teeth, because within my mind I have believed in the perception that loosing one’s teeth makes a woman ugly, old and undesirable.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear growing up because that meant being responsible and the only example of responsibility I was familiar with meant worrying about not having enough money and working oneself to death.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I feared growing up because I feared getting old, wrinkly and invisible and undesirable.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how according to a picture as a thought within my mind growing old and aging looks like a small toothless woman whose eyes are sad and face is sunken in.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how within my mind I have defined myself according to a picture presentation of myself looking the same as I did when I was in my twenties.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that in my fear of growing old I have spent my life fighting for the right to be happy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that life is only about me and my happiness to such a degree that I’ve never considered what Life Really is.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how when I was younger I lived my life according to the energetic high I got off on in how men would react to/toward me, in how I received attention from them and within that, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am immune to growing old, to aging.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I fear growing old because I fear death of me as my physical body.

to be continued…

Day 137: Can’t Touch This

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how I have depended upon and existed within and as expectations, wherein I expect others to validate me as being ‘important’ so that I will thus then have an experience of myself accordingly.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have built up so much hope to have specific experiences of myself as ‘something more than’ who I perceive myself to be that when I don’t experience that which I expect, desire and/or wish to experience, I would then ‘feel’ a deep inner disappointment which felt like within my physical body, that I was carrying the weight of the world around within and as me, therefore, I commit myself to stop expecting, desiring and/or wishing to experience myself according to something and/or someone outside of myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how within and as a character of/as my mind I have existed as a spectator of sorts, waiting to be fulfilled and how within that I have experienced myself within negative energy picture/thoughts of how I could have and should have been a better mother/wife/person, thus, I commit myself to stop existing as a character of/as my mind who acts as the role of a spectator within and as negative energy experiences, and to instead investigate who I am in self-honesty to practically walk the path of self-corrective application according to and in support of/for that which is best for All.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become a spectator and/or an observer of myself within my life where instead of participating and directing who I am as life, I have allowed me as my mind as consciousness to direct me to such a degree that I feel as if I have often become a spectacle of my own disappointment, thus I Stop. I see, realize and understand that through self-forgiveness I am able to gift to myself the courage and will to in self-honesty redesign and direct myself to change the inner me and thus change the outer me to walk in support of and as all as one as equal.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how living within and as expectations, I have built an invisible wall of resistance and suppression around myself where I have separated myself from myself as my physical body and from my physical reality wherein my physical expression has become one of ‘can’t touch this’, therefore, I commit myself to never stop walking this process of self-forgiveness because I see, realize and understand how one is able to change self to practically become a physical living expression of and as responsibility for and as all living beings.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to physically experience nausea within and as a remembrance of some lost bliss that I only recognize according to a belief within and as my mind as something that I now see, realize and understand can never be reproduced as something physical, tangible and/or real.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience episodes of extreme sadness within ‘feeling’ unfulfilled in realizing that most people care very little about how others experience themselves, thus I commit myself to stop feelings of sadness and unfulfillment, and to show how we each one have the ability to realize/be our own fulfillment within and without to thus stand equal to and one as All Life according to what’s best for All.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to chase after myself in time only never really seeing who I am within my own chase because that which I perceived to have seen in others has in fact been myself, as that which I have existed within and as, thus, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how within my hope to receive fulfillment from others, what I failed to see in my disappointment is that it must be that way, because our reality is showing us that that which exists outside of ourselves cannot and will not fulfill us as who we are until we All stand together as Equals, thus I commit myself to continue walking our Desteni, always, through and as the ‘Principle of Equality‘

Day 129: Money System Shows No Mercy

Walking the Self-forgiveness here for how I experienced myself today within our current world/money system.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed a world/money system which supports us in finding new ways to hurt each other which is what we’re good at.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel ‘less than’ the woman sitting behind a desk at the dental office where I was making an appointment when I /she realized that I didn’t have the’ exact’ amount of money to pay as a deposit for the major dental work that I am needing.


I forgive myself for not realizing how I belittle myself in/as fear when I don’t have enough money for that which my physical body requires in order for it to function properly.

I forgive myself for not realizing how it only takes seconds for me to play out different scenarios within my mind with regards to how and what to say in order to manipulate/persuade someone into seeing things my way.

I forgive myself for not realizing how I react and interact within my physical reality with other human beings, where within my mind, I immediately scan, assess, compare, compete and contemplate how can I win over the person I’m communicating with in order to acheive the end result I’m seeking for, and within that, I forgive myself for not realizing the point where I stop having a physical reality relationship with another and instead begin having only a mind relationship with as/them.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to change the tone of my voice when talking to another to one that will create an illusion of myself as being helpless and hopeless in order to prove my point of need.

I forgive myself for not realizing how we manifest and create a world/money system that we constantly support within the context of how we exist within our relationships with each other through our mind as consciousness – instead of who we are in total support of and as each other through and as our physical body and our physical world/reality/existence.

I forgive myself for not realizing that within our current world/money system we see each other as numbers and our number is dependent upon the amount of money we have in our pocket/bank account.

I forgive myself for the sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach in realizing the seriousness of our world/money system where people are paying monthly premiums for health and dental insurance yet can’t afford to pay the deductible and/or the pre-payment to cover what their insurance won’t pay.

I forgive mysef that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience anger towards our world/money system that labels people as argumentative and insensitive when one questions the policies, procedures and rules of a system that shows No Mercy except for the minority who have All the money, while the Majority of Us, have settled for remaining slaves to the very Money System that CANNOT exist without OUR CONTINUED SUPPORT.

I forgive myself for not realizing how we are completely at the Mercy of our word/money system where we are locked into a reality of money within a mind-reality supported in/as energy and as that, we have No consideration or regard for each other and/or for our existence as a whole.

I commit myself to stop separating myself from our current world/money system in realizing that I am equal to and one with how and what exists here, thus, it is my responsibility to show how the Solution of Equal Money will be that which will end who we are as slaves and thus stop that which what we have resisted in separation of as Life itself.

I commit myself to support a solution that will end all suffering and abuse and thus create relationships that are supportive of who we are as our physical bodies and our physical reality.

I commit myself to communicate with me as my physical body, to thus support our physical reality in assuring that life on earth become that which supports the physicality of every living being with the utmost support possible.

I commit myself to show how humanity is a slave to and as consciousness where we’ve accepted and allowed our mind to direct us and have thus not yet realized that we have manifested Hell on Earth and how with Equal Money we are able to support All living beings to live life in dignity.

I commit myself to show how our current world/money system does not have to continue as it is where the majority are slaves to the few who have everything, to thus show how through the Peaceful Solution of Equal Money we Can/Will manifest Heaven on Earth.

Day 121: Paybacks

Read the following for context: More than 20,000 spared jail reoffend: Alarming figures ‘prove community service isn’t working’ -

I forgive myself for not realizing how we as a humanity have been suffering from our acceptance and allowance of environmental impulses as the result of an unequal system wherein we live out our lives in/as paybacks, thus, I forgive myself for not realizing that the rules of law within our unequal world/money system is/has always been that of slavery, no matter the sentencing spared – because for the already down and out – where ‘doing time’, is in fact all any of us have ever known – to be spared jail in place of having to work, is just another sentencing to/as a slave within our world/money system, which doesn’t honor one another as being substantial parts of the community.

I forgive myself for not realizing how paying the consequences for how one has to survive – such as overworked and under paid – when one is uneducated and underskilled proves just how corrupt our world/system is – in how the enslaved/poor often have no real clue of what they’re being charged to payback and how many have lived out their lives in defense mode, dumbed down, where we/they have believed we/they can’t assist ourself to establish a point of self-trust because of constantly blaming and/or our constant competing against each other to survive.

I forgive myself for not realizing that when the only motivation for living is one of constant struggle for money within an unequal system, then the natural order of the enslaved society will be one of desperation within feelings of betrayal – where people feel that they don’t matter anyway so why consider taking self-responsibility for a system that remains unequal.

I forgive myself for not realizing how what I think, feel and fear is how and what I am accepting and allowing as an energetic representation of/as me which has always been within the starting point of self-interest and greed.

I forgive myself for not realizing that punishment and fines has not and never will be the solution for a world/money system as the one we exist in, where there is suffering, overworked and misplaced people who are running on stress in every direction just trying to survive their enslavement. Thus, I commit myself to show how people are only acting in/as the product of their enslavement and that it is going to take coming together peacefully as a GROUP to Support a Solution for Life according to what’s best for All, and how the Only Solution is that of Equal Money.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I am a victim to/of our current world/money system and for living in fear and self-doubt.

I commit myself to show how through self-forgiveness, I am able to overcome victimization and stand in/as a group in support of an Equal Money System to once and for all bring an end to enslavement.

I commit myself to comprehend and thus assist others to understand how/what it is we’ve created, to bring an end to our manifested consequences of/as suffering and pain, to thus Stop who we are as the uneducated and dumbed down and to see that We are the ONE who Decides who we are, that we Are capable of manifesting Heaven on Earth through Equal Money.

I commit myself to support a system where every Human Being is given adequate Education and the proper skills to be able to enjoy all the amenities of living a life in/as dignity.

I commit myself to a world economic system wherein the definition of ‘Community Paybacks’ becomes Living expressions of “Love thy Neighbor as Thyself”.

I commit myself to a world economic system where people are not just working to live but instead are living in support of each other, equal to and one with their neighbors.

I commit myself to Forgive myself daily for that which I think, feel and fear and have accepted and allowed, to thus stop the representation of/as me within the starting point of self-interest and greed.

I commit myself to direct myself daily in self-honesty in order to stop and see what the hell I’ve become within and as the roles of/as characters and personalities which I am responsible for according to how our world/money system exists.

I commit myself to show how every single being within our existence matters Equally, and that what we have accepted and allowed can and WILL change with Equal Money – through a Democratic system of One Man, One Vote, where the method of Voting Will matter, and Life on Earth will flourish, according to what’s best for All.

I commit myself to let All be Dignified within this World through Equal Money.

Day 31: Abandoned Animals

Today on our way into town, we drove past a dog who looked lost and confused, and more than likely, he’d been dumped and left without food or a home. We live out in the country about 15 miles from the nearest town – and unfortunately, it’s common for people to drive down a country road, dump their unwanted pet and then leave them. As I asked myself how in the world can people do such a thing, I remembered a time years ago, when I did the same…

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to drive down a country road and leave a dog by a nearby house in hopes that he would find his home with them because I was no longer able to take care of him.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give myself the reason of money as the why and how come that I’ve not taken self-responsibility and self-accountability for my actions and for all life here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I am responsible for the living environment in how other livings beings experience themselves within our current money/world system, including those who abuse for the sake of profit and/or abuse because of self-interest/ignorance and a lack of accountability.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to make the decision to adopt and/or purchase an animal just to make myself feel happy and/or as a way of entertaining myself and then not taking self-responsibility for it.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to seek to please myself first and thus because of my negligence my animal paid the price as the manifested consequence of my lack of self-responsibility.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not take the proper care in seeing to it that my dog didn’t have more puppies and thus putting the mother dog and her puppies in jeopardy and myself in the position of not being able to afford to feed them and thus I forgive myself for being irresponsible and taking life for granted within a world that values profit over life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to support a money/world system which seeks to comfort the nature of the human no matter the cost to the animal.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to put the human on a pedestal and see the animal as less than human.

Art By Garbrielle Goodrow

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing anger to be me as I see myself within a world where living beings are used, abused, mishandled, misguided and left to die all in the name of money.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to refer to life as ‘free’, when in fact life is struggle, life is pain, life is money, and without it/money, life is left to starve to death.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not consider that every living being have their own purpose and/or part within existence thus, to support every living being is to support all of existence.

I commit myself to creating a system where all living beings are no longer dependent upon money to express themselves as life.

I commit myself to bringing an end to life here on earth lived by the human mind as consciousness and instead support heaven on earth as the expression as life.

I commit myself to being aware of and supporting a system that sees/realizes and understands the uniqueness and individuality of all living beings within this existence in self-honesty.

I commit myself to considering and walking in/as the shoes of another, including those who walk life furry footed, footless and/or those who walk with wings and therefore, I commit myself to supporting an Equal Money System which recognizes that none are free til all are free.

I commit myself to supporting an Equal Money System to bring forth Heaven on Earth which will accept, allow, regard and respect each and every single living being in/as their full physical expression.

“I commit myself to call on all activists to reinvestigate their true support, so that those that realize that change is necessary can align themselves with practical solutions if they can get past their ego of self-interest and acceptance of the current system.” Bernard Poolman – Creation’s Journey to Life: Day 30: The Decision