Day 164: Innerspace

 I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become frustrated within myself where within me as my physical body I feel as if I’m experiencing myself as having to push myself through the great barrier reef of suppressed self-judgment and emotions which I have attached a definition of myself to which reads failure.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when within my mind I hear, ’suck it up and ignore the pain within yourself’, to not realize that I’m manipulating and justifying who I am so much so that I reach a point of the grandest of self illusions -where I’ve got no clue who and/or what character or personality will show up as me when I stand before friends and family who know me best in how I’ve always pretended to be what I perceive they expect me to be.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within my mind exist as crooked, dishonest and basically someone who has been full of shit in how I become angry towards my children and my partner, and then have the nerve to wonder why I have pain in and as my physical body which in itself feels crooked with kinks in it, and within that,  I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how through the relationships I have with my children and my partner, I have suppressed myself in and as guilt, shame and regret and where I direct myself as such through and as emotions inward unto me as my physical body which causes within me a sense of loss which I then define myself as in fear of.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I’m not able to forgive me for the mother I have been in how I raised my children in and as self-interest, fear and greed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when experiencing pain within and as my physical body to participate in the thought, ‘I can’t do this, it’s to painful’.

When and as I see myself go into fear where I tighten up and suppress myself and become characters and personalities that I see, realize and understand compound into and manifest systems within me as my physical body – I stop and I breathe. I commit myself to me as my physical body and this physical reality first and foremost to thus begin to be a living example of life according to what’s best for all.

I commit myself to forgiving me for the definition I have lived of myself as,  ’a mom who failed her children’, and to redefine myself according to me as a mom breathing and walking here with both feet on the ground walking in and as self-honesty.

I commit myself to stop going emotionally bankrupt within and as my mind where I suppress within me raging systems of and consciousness as shame, regret and fear of loss.

I commit myself to forgive myself for the guilt I’ve existed as of not being the mother to my children that gives way to allow their child to express who they may become as life according to what’s best for all.

I commit myself to accept the breath of life unto and as all of me as my physical body.

“I commit myself to remind each one that we are all guests on Earth and we have abused the hospitality of Earth and created an Asylum and Hospital out of Earth searching for Feelings of energy in Self-interest. Earth will no longer tolerate the abuse and we as Humanity will now face our final our within which each one must decide who The I will be, Life or Self Interest. There is no one that can deny that deep inside this hour has always been expected.” ~ Bernard Poolman

Day 156: I Made my Mind up a Long Time Ago

Yesterday I had to go to the Doctor for assistance for the extreme pain I’ve been experiencing in my upper back. I didn’t want to go, but I knew that I had to utilize what is available as a bridge to assist me as my physical body.

After examining me the Doctor began to explain to me about the medicine he was going to prescribe for me, as well as the ‘long term plan’ which may involve physical therapy.

I quickly saw how I became defensive and energy swirled around me like a protective force field. I began to explain to him that if I have to take pain pills that I prefer they be ones that I know I can physically tolerate, and I went on to say: “it just makes more sense, no offense of course.”

LOL, Well, he didn’t take kindly to what I said and I began to see how his eyes – which were looking directly at me – how they began to shift from side to side, first to the left then to the right and then back to the left and then back to the right again, shifting, shifting. My questioning his decision got him to thinking and the proof that that wasn’t a good thing was as clear as the frozen frown on his face that he couldn’t seem to shake.

I knew that I didn’t really want to have to take medicine, but I also knew that at the moment, I required some relief and the medicine is only a temporary solution. I had the thought: “I know what’s best for my physical body”!   However, I didn’t say that out loud because it was obvious he was still processing my previous words.

It was in that moment that I realized something and I decided at that point to shut the hell up, breathe and ask him to tell me more about the medicine he wanted to prescribe for me.

What I realized was, before I ever walked into his office, I had prepared myself  to instigate my own plan of action according to what and how I had previously made my mind up long before I arrived for my appointment – before he’d even had a chance to examine me.

See. I have never liked the fact that a Doctor, or anyone for that matter, have the authority and a “so-called-right”, according to the rules of the Matrix, to determine the best treatment plan for me – to take away my responsibility for me as my physical body.

I mean, it’s my physical body even though I’ve not actually been very responsible for and as it.   Seriously though,  there is NO Free Will and we have very little to do with the decision making processes within our world.   Free Will…   What a Joke…

Moving on… I realized that I reacted rather catty towards him and that I could have and should have directed myself in a stable manner, and I shared that with him. He immediately looked me in the eyes again and repeated his suggestions for my treatment.

The whole experience assisted me to realize how important it is that I redefine who I am within the meaning of  the words: “I Made my Mind up a Long Time Ago”.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become defensive where I experience myself in and as energy swirling around myself like a protective force field within a memory of my past, thus, I stop. I breathe. I see, realize and understand that who I was 5 years ago is no longer who I am today and as I continue to walk the Journey to Life, I have proven to myself how self can and will change through writing, applying self-forgiveness, self-honesty and self-corrective application, thus, I commit myself to show how energy experience is the result of accepting myself to be directed of and as my ego as I’ve existed in my past, thus, I see, realize and understand how energy is ego as my past which has to end at death as it is our mind as consciousness, therefore,  I commit myself to direct myself as my mind to stop energetic ego experiences and to walk according to what’s best for all – to thus then prove that the past is over.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become a character of and as my mind where I exist in a make belief story within my mind made up about who and how I’m going to behave and experience myself within a given moment long before the moment is actually here and where within my secret mind, I participate in and as judgment and expectations that someone (in this case my Doctor) will also participate along with me in my make belief story, and when they don’t, I unleash a strong reaction of dislike onto them, which is actually an outflow of a reaction that I suppress deep within me with regards to our current world/money system, yet my suppression is indirectly imposed upon and implying that they ( in this case my Doctor), are the cause/source for/of my reaction of/as dislike and frustration to/toward what I realize is a cruel, corrupt and unjust world/money system.

I commit myself to stop existing as a character where I make up within my mind who I will be and what I’m going to say within a given moment before the actual moment is even here.

When and as I see myself talking to myself inside my head pre-planning what to say and or do with regards to an upcoming appointment, I stop. I breathe. I realize that in doing so I am actually reacting to my own reactions in fear of what may or may not happen thus, I commit myself to slow myself down and remain aware of who I am within this moment of breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project anger onto others according to a reaction from within myself which is actually to/toward our current world/money system, and where I will take that a step further insofar as to preplan for myself a ‘line of defense’ so that I’ll ‘know my lines’ and know just how to act so when the moment arrives, all I have to do is be the stand-in, on autopilot, and become who I’ve already constructed myself to be within my mind, and within that, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become angry if my made up mind script is not welcomed by and played out by/as someone that I perceived will play the supporting role in my illusion in order to help me bring to life my perception of happiness within a world full of pain turned into a make belief story that I Made up within my Mind a Long Time Ago.

I commit myself to stop projecting anger onto others according to a reaction within myself  where I am misdirecting my frustration of our money system onto my present moment and to instead breathe and remain aware of who I am within this moment here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how I make my mind up about someone and/or something according to a past experience of myself in a memory where I lost control of myself and then suppressed the experience as a memory which I believed I had to hide in order to protect my self shame, thus I devised a script for myself as a protection mechanism – like putting up an energetic wall all around me – where I can hide and keep to myself the make belief story within my mind where I deceive myself into believing that I’m coming out aHEAD within what is nothing but an illusion of control thus, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become as that which I made up within my mind about myself a long time ago in and as fear in an attempt to avoid facing all of me and my responsibility to all that is here.

I commit myself to stop making my mind up about people, places and things as a way of setting myself up to be and become automated within my world as a way of avoiding facing who I am within what and how our world exists.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that who I am as my past rules who I will always be, thus, I justify my deceptive behavior in an attempt to set myself up to experience energetic outflows where the results of who I am  remain the same with no change because I made up my mind about myself a long time ago when and as I believed the make belief story within my mind as consciousness that I couldn’t and/or wouldn’t be worthy of and as life itself.

I stop. I Breathe.

to be continued

Day 141: Making sense out of a system that doesn’t make sense

Along with pain and not physically feeling well from my recent dental appointments, which are still ongoing. I wasn’t prepared to be catapulted into the jaws of our current money system. Where every day this past week, it’s like I’ve been chewed up and spit out by a system that couldn’t care less if I survive it or if I end up on the side of the road bleeding to death. What I’ve realized, is that Money still has the power to change me, and, I realize that I am responsible for the power that I have given to a money system that supports abuse and profit over the life of those living within it. As a way of protecting myself, ‘as my mind’, I see how I’ve become nonchalant in my attitude – another character I’ve become to protect myself from myself. Thus, the following Self-forgiveness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become a character of/as my mind who is nonchalant towards others and their Quest to survive because I got lost once again in my own self-interest within energetic wants, needs and desires within a money system that is anything but forgiving and within that, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe myself as willing to stand up for all living beings when in fact I’ve only begun to understand what standing up for and as All living beings really means in terms of what I must be willing to give up and stop as who I am and what I’ve accepted and allowed in order to actually have an impact on bringing about a world according to what’s best for All.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become hardened and uncaring as a way of giving myself a false sense of perceiving myself as protected within a money system that thrives on taking instead of giving, thus, I commit myself to stop, to breathe and stop fearing the future and to remain here in this moment and face who I am in self-honesty.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel nonchalant toward the fears of others in their attempt to make sense of what we have All accepted and allowed within our world, therefore, I commit myself to stop who I am as fear and to direct myself to do unto others as I would like done unto me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to move myself according to the energy I receive according to how much money I have and for how I have incorporated that as who I am within how I move myself as my physical body and within my physical reality.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to try and make sense within a world/money system that doesn’t make sense within all the abuse it exists as, thus, I stop, I breathe, I direct myself to slow down and face who I am within all that is here, to thus, assist and support a system which will support all life according to what’s best for All.

I forgive myself that I have accepted, allowed, and supported a world/money system that generates fear and stress in our day to day living where living isn’t living at all really only struggling to just survive, thus, I commit myself to show how with Equal Money day to day living will be enjoyable and stress free because everyone’s day to day necessities will be given to everybody equally.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the changes that must be made in order to change our world to one that is supportive of and as all living beings, thus, I commit myself to show how it makes more sense to ensure that all living beings are provided for with Equal Money – than to continue to allow a world/money system where people are constantly competing with each other to survive.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed a world/money system that sees value in people according to how much money they have/make, and for how I’ve ignored the depth of daily stress being lived by those who have little to no money to provide for themselves, thus, I commit myself to never stop supporting an Equal Money System because I see, realize and understand how with Equal Money we will manifest Heaven on Earth.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how every day thousands of people have absolutely nothing and starve to death while others have more than they could possibly use in a one lifetime therefore, I commit myself to show how only the best and most nutritious food will exist with an Equal Money System.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when things are going my way and I have money in my pocket then I don’t stop to consider how others are experiencing themselves as fearful and stressed out from not knowing how they will survive from one minute to the next, thus, I commit myself to show how with Equal Money, people will stop manipulating and stealing because with Equal Money people will begin to understand the nature of themselves and thus will begin to forgive and correct themselves and begin to assist and support each other.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to support a world/money system that is driven to only support itself through the ways and means of abuse of and as a Capitalistic system, thus, I commit myself to show how we will bring an end to Capitalism through manifesting Heaven on Earth with Equal Money.

Day 135: Teach Me2

Today I reacted to my 2 year old granddaughter, who actually teaches me more life skills in a 8 hour day than I may ever be able to teach her. Thus the following self-forgiveness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become impatient with my 2 year old granddaughter when she continued to push buttons on my computer / printer and for feeling guilty for her crying as I physically moved her from them, and within that, I forgive myself for not seeing, realizing and understanding how she looks to experience herself in how she sees me experiencing myself, thus, I forgive myself for rushing myself to finish, because in my rush I was participating within my mind which led to feelings of impatience and guilt, which I then projected onto her, instead of being there for her to explore her world with my assistance, therefore, I forgive myself for projecting the feelings / reactions that I was having onto her according to what I was accepting and allowing myself to participate within and exist as, because, I see, realize and understand how my starting point was one of anxiety where I was avoiding facing a point of fear within myself, therefore, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize that it is Not possible for another to influence who I am unless I give permission, and any reaction/experience that I may or may not have is a direct reflection of my own inner relationship with myself according to what I am accepting and allowing myself to exist as through and as the direction of my mind, instead of me directing my mind as me according to what’s best for All . Thus, When and as I see myself becoming impatient with my granddaughter/others as myself, I stop. I commit myself to slow myself down and breathe, to look within myself at my starting point to assure that I no longer project onto another anything less than who I am in self-honesty as I continue walking my Journey to Life.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to not realize how when I was hurrying to finish what I was doing , how within that, I, for a split moment, saw how I was giving myself different perceptions of myself whereas I experienced a subtle conversation within my mind which I didn’t stop, thus is how I within that moment, created a problem within my situation where there otherwise wasn’t one, therefore, I commit myself to breathe and realize that within every moment of breath I am the one who decides who I am , thus, through self-corrective application I direct myself to establish effective communication with my granddaughter/others within my world in order to be able to teach life skills – free from anxiety and fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how when I am rushing, that I manifest pain in the center of my back, which I see is a point of suppression related to self-judgment and, in how I was existing in anxiety and fear of letting other’s down within the ‘feeling’ that ‘I’m not good enough’ and/or strong enough to direct myself within my world, and within that, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel disappointed in myself for not being the living example of how and what it is to be supportive and patient with all living beings, thus, I commit myself to be patient and gentle with myself and others as myself, because I see, realize and understand that my responsibility for and as life is determined within every moment of breath as a living example of placing myself in the shoes of another, to thus become stable support for a world according to what’s best for All.

Day 130: The Evil That Men Do

For Context please read the following:
Farming rhinos – -
Forget cocaine: Rhino horn is the new drug of status – -

“The belief in a supernatural source of evil is not necessary. Men alone are quite capable of every wickedness.” ~ Joseph Conrad

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize the depth of fear I have to/toward that which I’ve only begun to understand, which is the acts of man as the Mind of Consciousness, where most disturbingly, our abuse to animals in how we have reduced them to becoming a commodity.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how money is the motivating factor within 99.9 % of all abuse, war, torture and death and how the single act of supporting an Equal Money system can and Will bring 99.9% of all abuse, war, torture and death to an end.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that the belief in finding cures for disease and illness through abuse and/or the death of another will Never result in the Solution for and as Life.

I forgive myself for not realizing how deadly the animal relationship to human is in the servant master relationship as that which we have accepted and allowed within our world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize the depth of my dishonesty, in how I have schemed and looked for others to fail so that I could earn more Money than them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how in my desire to look and ‘feel good about myself’, I never considered at what cost to the animal were my so-called dreams of looking younger and pretty, all the while clueless as to who had to suffer and/or die in order to produce the products I desired.

I forgive myself for not realizing how in-denial I’ve been throughout my life in that I have been so consumed in the race to get and buy, that I never saw the extent of torture, pain and death that I accepted and allowed others to experience because I was too absorbed in/as self-interest and greed and never considered the life of another.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that when I react to the evil within this world through anger, spite and hate, that I am in-fact existing as the same as that which I perceive myself as being different from, therefore, I commit myself to forgive myself for who I am within the senseless torture, mutilation and death to/of animals for profit and gain and, I commit myself to change myself from within and to in self-honesty walk as a living example of change supportive of and as life, to thus bring about Heaven on Earth through Equal Money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how I have existed as the evil that lives and walks upon this earth, and how I see, realize and understand that evil can only exist because I have given permission for it to, thus, I commit myself to stop who I am as consciousness, and to support a world where All living beings are suppported with the utmost dignity.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I cannot undo that which I’m guilty of, however, I can through self-forgiveness begin to change that which I’ve accepted and allowed, thus, breath by breath, I commit myself to educate myself and investigate the inner workings of myself as my mind in order to stop the evil within so as to stop manifesting the evil that men do as our world, to take responsibility for and to redesign Our World according to what’s best for All.

I forgive myself for not comprehending and realizing the physical expression of nature and animals, and for not realizing what it is I am to learn from/as them in order to realize who I am as life, thus, I commit myself to apply myself within and as compassion and patience so as to bring forth from within myself an understanding of what it really is to stand up for and as All living beings Equally.

I forgive myself for not realizing that I have lived my life as a Character of Expectation of/as my mind and as that, I’ve not been willing to give that which I have expected to receive, therefore, I commit myself to give unto others as I would like to receive, which is the ability to provide for my physical body with a home, food, clean water, an education and healthcare and, the ability to share one’s self-expression free from fear within a World System that supports All Life according to what’s best for All.

I commit myself to show how the world will only change when real change begins first within, thus I commit myself to let go of expectations, competition, greed and the desire to have and be more, and, through self-forgiveness I commit myself to breathe as I walk self-change together as a group, neighbor for neighbor.

“I commit myself to when I see that I am criticising others and blaming others in relation to my expectations not being met to accept and allow myself to slow down as I now see, realise and understand that I had created my experience of disappointment within and as myself where my expectations were not met, not seeing realising and understanding that I was the one that created the ideas / beliefs within and as myself and now that they are not manifesting I am blaming others, when it is in fact I that should investigate the ideas and beliefs that I had created within and as myself as I held onto the ideas and beliefs in hope and in dictating that they should become manifest and through this I commit myself to see, realise and understand that if I have ideas and beliefs how I would like others to behave to instead creating expectations within and as myself of others / self to manifest these ideas / beliefs to instead walk the physical timeline, look at the physical consequences and determine whether these ideas / beliefs are standing what is best for all in all ways.” ~Esteni De Wet

Day 119: What Imprisons You?

Ranchers lose hope drought aid will come in time –

This years drought is having a devastating effect on farmers and ranchers who are now unfortunately having to depend upon hope to receive government assistance.

As I was reading the comments below the article, I realized once again how the ‘little guy’, ‘the enslaved’ – that’s the majority of us – attack each other, instead of supporting each other.
Sure, there are a few who send their ‘prayers‘ and ‘well wishes’ but that’s all worthless comments by the ‘I’ll pretend to care’ characters.

One guy wrote: “Get rid of foodstamps and welfare and if they don’t get a job,let them starve to death.”

Has this guy been living under a rock? There are a limited number of jobs to be had!

That’s just like the enslaved isn’t it? We’d rather turn on each other and hope that we’ll never require assistance. Instead of realizing the common sense of coming together as a group in support of a world/money system that will support everybody according to what’s best for All.

Let’s get real, at this rate, any one of us could be out of a job at any moment. Hell, the majority of us, are two paychecks lost away from poverty and homelessness. And the price of food is so high that we’re barely able to buy groceries after bills and rent. We’re in a mess and WE, Together have/are the Solution.

Ask yourself – WHEN, Why and How come we’ve decided that the Systems of this World “shouldn’t” provide the necessities of Life for the People? Come ON!

WE Are The People – WE DECIDE!


Look how odd it is that the few who are filthy rich continue to get richer while the majority of us just keep beating each other up because, well, we’re just to damn greedy, needy, and plum ignorant.

A guy from Milwaukee, Wisconsin wrote:
“Tough sh$t for these farmers. The last 5 years when you were greedy pigs you never gave 1 thought about helping others. The government should do nothing. The government didn’t bail out my construction company when the housing industry dried up. I did with less and survived.”

WTF? No wonder we’re all so enslaved. We’ve not realized what the hell is going on because we’re so busy existing in spite in the fight to out-survive our Neighbor.

How come we haven’t considered that our entire existence is what it is because of who we are within and as it?

Who, How, and What determines who you are Inside Yourself? Within the darkest Secrets of your Mind?

Look at the words we use as ammunition against each other – that’s where the evidence of ourselves lie.
It’s time to shut-up, breathe, and look in the mirror.

Ask Yourself: What Imprisons You?

Answer that for yourself in Self-Honesty.

Write it down. Look at it.

Forgive Yourself.

Stand up as that which you are capable of being, which is Life – NOT Enslavement

Stand as a Group in Support of your fellow Neighbors – who are merely reflections of yourself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abuse my neighbor in spite and hate because within myself I am scared to death for my own survival and within that I forgive myself that I never considered that I Don’t have to fight for my Right to Life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to race so hard to get ahead in this world that I didn’t realize how we’re all in the same boat and our boat is sinking while the rich are living in luxury cruise lines.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wish failure on my neighbor in order to fulfill a need to believe in myself – when in-fact, I’ve never stopped to consider that the rich and famous can only be rich and famous because of how the poor and infamous continue to accept and allow it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in/as anger within greed in the belief that I deserve to have more than my neighbor who’s just trying to survive just like me.

I forgive myself for not realizing how my anger and resentment to/towards others is fueled within fear of having to exist within and as the blood, sweat and tears of towing the same line with the same burdens of money as those who’ve walked here before me.

I forgive myself for not realizing that turning against my neighbor is the same as turning against myself and in doing so I am accepting and allowing both our enslavement to continue.

I forgive myself for not realizing how within self-interest, greed and ego through and as my mind as consciousness in/as inner acts against my neighbor, I failed to see, realize and understand how I’ve neglected that which supports me as life as that of/as me as my Physical Body and our Physical Earth.

I forgive myself for not realizing that I don’t have to fight for my Right to Life when I stand together hand in hand with my Neighbor and come together as a Group in support of a world/money system which supports All Life according to what’s best for All.

I commit myself to in self-honesty forgive that which I’ve accepted and allowed in fear to imprison me.

I commit myself to stop blaming and attacking my Neighbor through words in fear and anger and instead I commit myself to Walk this Life with/as my Neighbor together in support of a world/money system according to what’s best for All.

I commit myself to show how Neighbors can/will come together as a Group all over the World to support an Equal Money System to manifest Heaven on Earth.

I commit myself to Support All Life in Giving to others that which I wish to receive.

I commit myself to support a world/money system where homelessness no longer exists, where the basic necessities such as sanitation, clean water and adequate shelter are provided for All Life Equally.

I commit myself to Stop judgment of my Neighbor and to instead offer to walk in their shoes in order to understand our Common Ground.

I commit myself to supporting a world/money system where our living experience manifests as one which will sustain our fulfillment and happiness within a Quality of Happiness built within the Foundation of Supporting a World according to what’s best for All.

I commit myself to life in support of/as me as my Physical body and our Physical Reality in showing how an Equal Money System is the ONLY Solution that will Support that which is REAL as that which we Require to Exist Here – Our Physical bodies and Our Physical Reality.

I commit myself to assist my Neighbors in stopping the Enslavement to Money of/as Humanity by Standing as a Group in support of an Equal Money System.

I commit myself to never stop assisting my Neighbor to hear, see, realize and understand how nobody has to live life struggling every day in the race to survive when it only requires One Man, One Vote for Equal Money to thus manifest Heaven on Earth.

Day 110: Regretfully Yours

A couple of times today I experienced nausea and as I looked within myself, I saw how I was revolving around a certain point. That point being regret. I was regretting my participating in/as thoughts and emotions/reaction – where a few days ago, (yes, a few days ago), I disagreed with, and questioned some comments made by my fellow destonians. Essentially, I had become the ‘how can I make it better’ memory/character of/as my mind, and as such, I had also become the ‘putting off facing the point’ character. As the point is and has always been, only me that I’m facing. Because, I see, realize and understand how the point was Not really about what ‘she said’ and/or ‘they said’, it is the point of facing me as my Ego. Thus, the following self-forgiveness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to keep thoughts that generated reactions within a specific moment revolving around within me, all the while reasoning within myself of ways / means to, make it better – where I project / fantasize about how I’m going to ‘make it better in the future’ – instead of realizing that this is not solving, directing and/or stopping my initial reaction point – but actually only suppressing it to the point of allowing it (me as Ego), to take the stage in unexpected moments for me to face.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manifest nausea within and as me as my physical body as I accepted and allowed myself to revolve around this point in time as me avoiding facing me as who I am as Ego and thus regret – whereas I see, realize and understand that if I had slowed myself down and breathed – I would have seen within the moment how/what I was accepting and allowing myself to exist as in/as Ego.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to walk around in the experience of shame and sorrow because I was ashamed of myself for what I have said which has resulted in me experiencing myself within thoughts and emotions of regret.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience regret because I found myself having a difficult time communicating my point with another because I was afraid of their response because I feared rejection and/or judgment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the experience of myself as regret to be how I exist as and not allowing myself to move beyond regret.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how regret is the foundation of depression.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Not honour another as me within the actual moment where I experienced the thought/energy reaction – to stand equal and one in respect and consideration – where I regard the process of another and thus, stop the reaction within myself and confront it directly as myself.

I forgive myself that I hadn’t accepted and allowed myself to see, realize, and understand how when I accept and allow internal conflict within me as my physical body through participating within it as though it is me, as who I really am, that I am accepting and allowing it to exist within and as my physical world/reality/existence.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define my relationship towards another within the starting point of me as Ego – I Stop. I Breathe.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that in accepting and allowing myself to react in a moment within thought and energy, instead of taking self-responsibility in the moment – I am implying that the thought and energy is more important / powerful than my physical reality – than my relationship with myself as my physical body/reality – in how I stand within who I am and my relationship with others and within my world – thus I stop. I Breathe. I commit myself to make a decision within who I am to live as who I am in self-responsibility in and as every breath and create/manifest a world where together with others – equal to and one as life we express and exist according to what’s best for All.

I commit myself to slow myself down and breathe and to Stop myself from existing within and as Ego.

I commit myself to stop allowing conflict within and as me as my physical body and/or my world of and as me, because I see, realize and understand how within such self acceptance and allowance, is how our world becomes a life of conflict, internally and externally due to our accepting and allowing the existence, participation and so the definition of ourselves as conflict.

I commit myself to show how no one is ever able to reject and/or judge me except me.

I commit myself to walking with another here in physical agreement in/as honouring ourselves and each other to assist and support each other in humbleness and unconditionality to thus expand together as a group in establishing/creating better selves, thus a better world according to what’s best for All.

I commit myself to take responsibility for me in the moment of reaction as thought and energy as me, because I see, realize and understand how in accepting such a reaction of thought and energy allows manifested consequences created within and as this world/reality/existence, thus, I commit myself to see, realize and understand how everything from the greater to the smaller defines who we are internally and externally.

I commit myself to be and become me in awareness of me as who I am as my physical body and as our physical reality, to thus as a group walk here as breath in support of a world/money system according to what’s best for All.

Day 47: It’s Only Me – I am my missing peace

“You judge you or you create you
There is no middle road” ~ Bernard Poolman

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deny that love follows sorrow even when I knew within the depths of me that when I love I start to fear, but it’s only me – I am my missing peace.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that the expression of me is not about setting self instone limiting who I am according to that which I’ve known as me through comparison as self-judgment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that by piecing together the puzzle of who I’ve been in self-honesty in facing what I’ve accepted and allowed through words as the actions of self lived, will I see myself clear in stop the belief that peace must be bought at any cost through the suffering and death of others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that in fear I have loved life according to my reactions to my environment as my mind as consciousness and thus given right to the devolution of me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the pieces of myself through participation to direct me as a mind consciousness system and have infact manifested and developed attacks within/upon and through my physical body and physical reality into a manifested state of degeneration.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to through learned behaviours as my physical body language have imprinted myself though time into and as our physical environment through spoken words lived in and as acts against another as and through greed/spite and ego to such an extent that I/We reaped money from the branches of living trees as who we are.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to through anticipating my own addictive behavioral patterns have subjected my physical body and physical reality to a process of tissue deterioration.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to impose me as my mind as consciousness upon our environment where through visual pictures and subconscious and unconscious memories in forgetfulness have issued suffering to/towards my neighbor.

I commit myself to continue walking the 7 year process to nothingness, writing self-forgiveness in/as the Journey to Life within mastering pieces of me as the words as who I am within who I’ve been according to what I’ve accepted and allowed and created myself as, thus committing myself to holding myself responsible and accountable to not stop until All and Everyone is forever provided for, protected, comforted and nurtured in and as our Love in and as loving according to what’s best for all.

Must Read Blogs!

Heaven’s Journey to Life – What/Who Defines Me?: DAY 13
Heaven’s Journey to Life – Is the Sun God?: DAY 29
Heaven’s Journey to Life – The Chicken or the Egg??? – Part One: DAY 30

Earth’s Journey to Life – Day 12: Redefining Words (Part 9) – Self Forgiveness statements on redefining words

Earth’s Journey to Life – Day 13: Redefining Words (Part 10) – Self Forgiveness statements on redefining words 2

Earth’s Journey to Life – Day 16: Who am I

Creation’s Journey to Life – Day 1: Self Forgiveness

Creation’s Journey to Life – Day 28: I FOR GIVE ME

Creation’s Journey to Life – Day 33: Peace of Mind – Mind in Pieces

Creation’s Journey to Life – Day 38: Rebirthing as Life

Day 36: What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger

Part 2 of Day 35: Under the ‘In-flu-ence’

“What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.” ~Friedrich Nietzche

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to believe that hardship, pain and suffering will make us stronger which is actually suggested through stories from the bible – instead of realizing that to believe that life is about living in hardship, pain and suffering is to continue the enslavement of the mind – and an excellent reminder of why I made the decision to face myself through self-forgiveness and to in self-honesty – Stop the mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within fear and self-interest based upon people in my life and/or things in my life that I have feared losing the most.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become possessed within my mind within the memories that I’ve had with regards to my brother/sister/mother, because I didn’t want to face the point of them actually being gone.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold onto memories of my brother/sister/mother within my mind rather than face what it means that they no longer exist within this physical reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use memories as a defense and protection mechanism where the greatest fear that the memory protect of the person in my mind is who am I alone with myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create an internal experience within myself with my mind where I go into mourning in relation to the person in my life who has died thus creating a relationship with them in mind memories, and then become emotional as mourning because of the fear of being alone with myself.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I am only not able to change that which I believe I can’t change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear losing a safe comfortable feeling within the cushy idea of myself as part of a middle class American family, which wasn’t anything great, but yet provided the perfect backdrop for the continued enslavement of my mind as consciousness.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to waste even one more minute within a place of mourning – instead of realizing that the deliberate abuse of others – where one seek at all cost to have more than another must stop – thus at this point, the only solution for those that don’t and/or won’t stand up in support for a system to bring an end to All suffering, is the fact that we’re all equal in the fact that we die – thus death is the one thing that assists in sorting out the mess of inequality existing within our world.

Desteni Farm

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed my own limitations within memories, emotions and feelings, and is the reason why within my children lies the future of myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use feelings in self-interest as memories/personalities so to accept my self-interest as more important than what is best for all Life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that which is here as what we as a humanity have accepted and allowed in our abusive nature through comparison, competition, ego and greed, where we have taken instead of given, robbed of life instead of standing up as life, and where we have taken for granted the quantity of life provided here on earth in our wanting/seeking to have more than our neighbor.

I commit myself to making peace with the fact that the beings that once were my mom/sister and brother no longer exist within this physical reality.

I commit myself to stopping my accepted point of limitation in and as mourning and making peace within myself with death.

I commit myself to daily self-forgiveness in stopping who I’ve been in self-interest and thus assisting in stopping our self-interest driven current world/money system.

I commit myself to supporting a System of Equal Education for All where Life is an understanding within living where self realizes that – Life is Not about living according to “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger” – Life is about supporting thy neighbor as thyself in committing thyself to standing equal and one to all in absolute unconditionally as Life.

I commit myself to realizing that self-forgiveness is only real when I change me as I forgive.

“I commit myself to walk the 7 Year Process day by day as a guide and example for those that would dare to return to Life.

I commit myself to challenge all knowledge and information that is not best for all Life and to establish and participate in research to investigate ALL things AGAIN and to ONLY KEEP what is best for ALL LIFE always.

I commit myself to remind man that Earth is where it will be established – who each one really IS – Life as the Group Life, or Ego as Loner that ABUSE.” ~ Bernard Poolman ~ Creation’s Journey to Life – Day 38: Rebirthing as Life

Day 31: Abandoned Animals

Today on our way into town, we drove past a dog who looked lost and confused, and more than likely, he’d been dumped and left without food or a home. We live out in the country about 15 miles from the nearest town – and unfortunately, it’s common for people to drive down a country road, dump their unwanted pet and then leave them. As I asked myself how in the world can people do such a thing, I remembered a time years ago, when I did the same…

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to drive down a country road and leave a dog by a nearby house in hopes that he would find his home with them because I was no longer able to take care of him.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give myself the reason of money as the why and how come that I’ve not taken self-responsibility and self-accountability for my actions and for all life here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I am responsible for the living environment in how other livings beings experience themselves within our current money/world system, including those who abuse for the sake of profit and/or abuse because of self-interest/ignorance and a lack of accountability.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to make the decision to adopt and/or purchase an animal just to make myself feel happy and/or as a way of entertaining myself and then not taking self-responsibility for it.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to seek to please myself first and thus because of my negligence my animal paid the price as the manifested consequence of my lack of self-responsibility.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not take the proper care in seeing to it that my dog didn’t have more puppies and thus putting the mother dog and her puppies in jeopardy and myself in the position of not being able to afford to feed them and thus I forgive myself for being irresponsible and taking life for granted within a world that values profit over life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to support a money/world system which seeks to comfort the nature of the human no matter the cost to the animal.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to put the human on a pedestal and see the animal as less than human.

Art By Garbrielle Goodrow

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing anger to be me as I see myself within a world where living beings are used, abused, mishandled, misguided and left to die all in the name of money.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to refer to life as ‘free’, when in fact life is struggle, life is pain, life is money, and without it/money, life is left to starve to death.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not consider that every living being have their own purpose and/or part within existence thus, to support every living being is to support all of existence.

I commit myself to creating a system where all living beings are no longer dependent upon money to express themselves as life.

I commit myself to bringing an end to life here on earth lived by the human mind as consciousness and instead support heaven on earth as the expression as life.

I commit myself to being aware of and supporting a system that sees/realizes and understands the uniqueness and individuality of all living beings within this existence in self-honesty.

I commit myself to considering and walking in/as the shoes of another, including those who walk life furry footed, footless and/or those who walk with wings and therefore, I commit myself to supporting an Equal Money System which recognizes that none are free til all are free.

I commit myself to supporting an Equal Money System to bring forth Heaven on Earth which will accept, allow, regard and respect each and every single living being in/as their full physical expression.

“I commit myself to call on all activists to reinvestigate their true support, so that those that realize that change is necessary can align themselves with practical solutions if they can get past their ego of self-interest and acceptance of the current system.” Bernard Poolman – Creation’s Journey to Life: Day 30: The Decision