Day 275: Calling the Beast by it’s Name – Breast Cancer – Cancer to become No. 1 killer in U.S. – Day 39

Video Vlog with Transcription

For Context Read: Cancer to become No. 1 killer in US

If you click on the link that I’ve provided, you’ll see an article released by the American Society of Clinical Oncology (ASCO). It reads that by the year 2030, that Cancer will become the number 1 killer in the United States.

It was interesting to remain aware of my thought process as I was reading the article, because I could see myself wanting to be drawn into what reads like a subtle coaxing for the reader to believe in something that they don’t even fully understand.

And I mean, my thought process with regards to Cancer, and All that having Cancer implies, is not what it used to be, because before being diagnosed with Cancer, I never really had much thought at all about Cancer, because I didn’t think getting Cancer could happen to me. In my life I’ve only known a handful of people with Cancer but even so, Cancer to my mind, was a downer that I just didn’t have time for.

Now here I am, and I have Breast Cancer. And, with almost a year now of researching and educating myself about Cancer, and learning the importance that pancreatic enzymes play in assisting our physical body to digest Cancer, I’m realizing that I’ve become better, at, spotting a snake in the grass, so to speak. Let me explain. In this particular report, it suggests an attempt to recruit us using carefully placed words that seem to direct us to continue supporting our belief in the current accepted treatments for Cancer.

I’m referring to the slash, burn and poison method, which is Insurance approved and the chosen route/option that is provided to the Cancer Patient. But, what about the risk involved in those choices in how destructive the treatment is on the physical body? I mean, it’s quite the gamble that many do not survive. Still, like it or not, this report sets the stage in that, if something doesn’t change, there will Never be a cure found for Cancer because to many are getting rich because of it.

In the report, look at how it highlights a growing need in the cancer care sector, saying that there will be a shortage of nearly 1,500 oncologists in about 10 years. Clifford Hudis, the society’s president said: “Any delay or disruption in cancer treatment can be devastating and stressful. We need to plan and invest to avoid that, pursuing everything from leveraging technology and innovative practice models to using non-physician providers as part of teams providing patient care.”

cancer is big money

So basically, the ASCO continues to ask for public donation and oddly enough, they get it. First let me say that I know that there are many people that donate to the thousands upon thousands of charities/organizations that are out there, and I’m sure many of them are committed to assisting those in need. Having said that, let’s look at Prof. Clifford Hudis, the President of ASCO, who’s also affiliated with the Memorial Sloan-Kettering Cancer Center.

The Memorial Sloan Kettering Cancer Center (MSK or MSKCC), is a cancer treatment and research institution founded in 1884 as the New York Cancer Hospital. And so, one should read the ‘LECTURE BY G. EDWARD GRIFFIN’ to get a clearer understanding of what we’re dealing with.

So my point of sharing this is to assist in bringing awareness to the fact that there is so much, that we as the general public are not aware of, because quite frankly this is not something you’ll hear about on the six o’clock news. Instead we’re going to have to investigate for ourself, and consider the validity of the current accepted and allowed Institutions that profit from illness and disease.

A wise man once shared, if you want to know what’s really going on within this World, all you have to do, is follow the money trail. And, that’s basically what Mr. Griffin’s research and many more like him have done.

And so while what Mr. Griffin shares may be shocking, it’s not based on opinions or emotions or feelings. He shares what his research showed him, which are well documented facts about how Cancer continues to be the money-making business it is. Don’t be fooled by those who claim that they do what they do because they care because let’s be honest, they do what they do just like the rest of us, because we get paid to do what we do.

Alright so, like it or not, the fact remains that Cancer will more than likely be the number one killer, maybe even before 2030, because in November of 2013 it was reported that 1 out of 4 people are now being diagnosed with Cancer. But even that statistic is up for argument amongst the Medical community because many claim that 1 out of 3 people are being diagnosed with Cancer.

It’s been difficult for me to wrap my mind around the fact that I am now a Cancer statistic and that that’s part of how our current world/money system recognizes me since my diagnosis almost a year ago. And you know almost a week to the day of my diagnosis, just like clockwork I got a phone call from one of the many Cancer Society Charitable Organizations asking me for a donation so they can continue their search for a cure.

Of course, there will be never be a cure at this point because a cure would bring a halt to the kind of lifestyle that having Cancer supports for those that profit from it. And you have to understand, these charities, they offer hope to someone whose just been given their death sentence. They promise the Cancer Patient that their services will provide the ability for them to ultimately experience a fast and easy recovery and for many that may indeed be so. But mostly not.

My experience was that when I was first diagnosed with Breast Cancer, I was introduced to my ‘Cancer Team’, which consisted of a staff of at least 3 people, and I was told that one or more of them would be calling me at least once a week to provide for me any support that I might need. However, my team disappeared quickly when I made the decision to treat my Cancer with alternative treatments instead of the traditional recommended treatment. And almost immediately after that is when I started receiving frequent phone calls from various organizations asking me to make a donation to for their ongoing Cancer Research.

It’s hard to grasp that there are people getting filthy rich off people who have life threatening illness or disease. And, still the facts show that they are, and so unless one is rich, there’s no chance of buying our way out of the mess that we’re in as a society, where Billions of dollars are wasted on Cancer ‘cure’ research alone.

So, it’s important to realize that Cancer is on the rise, and it would be in the best interest of All of us, if we would agree on a Money System that will Guarantee financial support for everyone, regardless of who you are or where you live, you’ll be able to get what you need to live healthy life.

And I’m talking about a real solution, one that will take away the daily stress and fear of survival. Can you Imagine it? A world where everyone would have the opportunity to take responsibility for their own Life, and thus take responsibility for how Life exists on Earth.

The Living Income Guaranteed Proposal is just the solution and one that must be investigated closely because it promises to balance growth with sustainability; ensuring and securing Fundamental Human Rights for everyone. And that makes sense.

Check out ‘The Proposal’, it’s a Start

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“The average physician today has had no training at all in basic nutrition. His wife knows more about nutrition than he does, and I don’t want to get any physicians here angry at me, but most doctors will tell you honestly that this is a fact. They’ll spend hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of hours working to learn about drugs, their actions, and everything and they are lucky to have even a chance to spend one or two hours studying basic nutrition.
This I submit is no accident and so what we find is that the medical student today, without even suspecting it, and he’d certainly be the last one to admit it, certainly he doesn’t believe it, but without suspecting that he has been carefully programmed by the educational system to be a drug pusher.

You go to your doctor, and I’m going to get some doctors mad at me for sure, but you go to your doctor, and he’ll examine you and if he can cut something out he’ll do that, and if he can set a broken bone he’ll do that. He’ll mend something, but beyond that the only thing he can do is write a prescription. You say, I don’t feel well, he says, take this prescription to your drugstore and if that doesn’t work come back and see me in two weeks and I’ll write you another prescription of different kind, and if that doesn’t work we’ve got a whole list of drugs to prescribe until we find something that works.

That is what has happened, and so the medical profession today has been subverted, I submit, by a force, which they do not even suspect themselves.

Now beyond the medical schools, there is of course, the AMA, the FDA, and Institutions of this kind. It is possible that the cartel has reached into these institutions as well. Consider the AMA, almost half of its income every year is derived not from membership dues, but from the average doctor who knows nothing about what the AMA is doing and is unable to have any voice in it. Half of the income comes from cartel drug firms, in the form of advertising in the “Journal of the American Medical Association”. Ten million dollars a year is funneled into the AMA from drug firms. Plus, ten million dollars of AMA money is invested in stock ownership in these big drug companies. That is what you might call a conflict of interest.” ~ G. EDWARD GRIFFIN Lecture

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Day 274: Holding Life Hostage

Video Vlog with Transcription

For Context Read:  This little boys Story

‘…To me, [it’s] almost a crime to not make it available to everyone who needs it.’ ~ Aimee Hardy, Mother of son who has cancer

The above story in the link that I’ve provided, is painful to read, but there is so much suffering going on within our world that it seems crazy to call attention to only one of the many stories where someone is suffering at the hands of our current money system. However, I can relate to this little boys story because I to have cancer.

So it’s easy, I absolutely agree with the above quote by the mother of the sick little boy… It IS absolutely a Crime, to not make available to everyone the very thing they require to have a chance of surviving. Yet, this is how life is within our current world money system.

crime scene

The entire money system is structured so that those who are rich can buy their way to getting what they want or need, while the poor are judged and ridiculed for being less than deserving. But the truth is, millions are suffering daily, in unimaginable ways, and it’s crazy when you start to realize that Money, is the one thing that could bring the suffering to an abrupt end.

Money is thrown around all the time amongst the rich and famous, and in this particular situation the company whose withholding the requested drug for treatment recently received $72 million in federal funding, but still said they had to dismiss the compassionate use allowance program because they can no longer afford it.

I mean, lol, as Judge Judy says: “Is the word stupid written across my forehead?” She also points out that: “Everyone is equal in the eyes of the law, but that doesn’t mean the law has to treat everyone equally.”

Now Judge Judy Sheindlin, if you’re not familiar with her, is sittin pretty cozy herself. It was recently reported that she’s the highest paid TV star, earning $47 million per year for her television gig ‘Judge Judy’. That means she earns $900,000 a day and, she only works 52 days per year!  How insane is it that some people make this kind of money while the majority struggle daily to make ends meet?

Alright, so moving on. It’s a Fact, there is No law that supports Life itself. No Law that enforces a Principle giving Everyone Equal Rights to be given what they require in order to live. We have to begin somewhere,  so maybe giving everyone a Living Income is the way to begin.  Maybe then we can begin to see clear to outlaw for instance, any refusal to give possible life saving medicine to the child in the above story. It just makes sense that no one person or group or major corporation should be allowed the purchasing power to basically hold the possibility for life hostage. Especially when clearly our entire value system has been contaminated by ego and greed. Sadly, even in realizing how many are suffering, we still have a long way to go to set forth laws that will protect the right of Life, the right to being born on Earth through Giving to all Equally that which is required to live.

Most of us want to believe that people are good and that we ‘love our neighbor’, and, we even preach to ‘give as we’d like to receive’. But the truth is, we live quite the opposite. So Life on Earth is being constantly threatened, and we can see how people are struggling to keep up the act as the happy consumer who blindly supports corporate greed because honestly, buying the groceries/products that continue to support the rich and famous and the greedy, is the only choice that we currently have.

So a big change is required, and after looking into it, I’m satisfied that the Living Income Guaranteed Proposal, is just the solution, and maybe even a gateway of sorts toward changing our current world and our current money system to one that will be sensitive and supportive of life and life threatening situations, to thus make equally available to everyone who need it – such as with this little boy – the ability to receive that which is required for them to live a healthy and long life, because we’d want the same opportunity to be given to us, wouldn’t we?

Let’s Stop holding Life hostage with price tags.

Investigate: The Proposal

The Original Metabolic Medicine’s Cancer Cure

Day 273: Moving out of my own way

Falling into self pity is a sticky situation, and one I’ve fallen into starting from a very young age. Anything can trigger self pity, but what’ll end up happening is that we’ll react to something someone does or says and we’ll allow ourself to participate in self judgment as thoughts / backchat and/or memories. Make no mistake about it, self-pity alters our ability to see the practicality/meaning/solution in any given moment/situation.

Art By Marlen Vargas Del Razo

moving out of my own wayThe result or consequence of behaving in self pity is ultimately self sabotage, and more often than not, in the end, we won’t have been aware of how we came to feel like we feel because we won’t have realized what or how we got to feeling the way that we do, because we would have already lost ourself in the energy of the thing, self pity that is.

Self pity is a pattern within my mind that I sometime play out in my world, and it’s one that I’ve been investigating for awhile now. However recently, through my ‘reacting’ to something somebody said/wrote, I’ve been able to understand the point with greater clarity.

So, self pity is definitely a tricky SOB that’s for sure. So be aware, self pity can play out in various ways, but in the end it’ll cause us to want to blame others for how we’re experiencing ourself instead of realizing, we’ve just fallen prey to self pity through our own acceptance and allowance.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I have no control over who I become and how I experience myself as the feeling bad / feeling sorry for myself energy that then activates the energy of self pity.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take on a positive expression into and as the energy of self pity.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how the energy of self pity produces an energy of excitement as it moves throughout my entire physical body.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see the actual origin points that lead to the outflow consequence or activation of and as the self pity energy which is an intensity with which I speak self judgment within my mind that then creates a feeling bad experience which will escalate into and as self pity.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ignore and thus allow the energy of self pity to entrap me within and as my own mind where I then lose awareness of myself and react in a way where I use excuses, reasons and justifications within my mind to hold onto and immerse myself into and as the emotion of self pity.

When and as I see myself wanting to hold on to the energy of self pity, I Stop, I breathe. I direct myself to Not participate because I see, realize, and understand that the relationship I have with/as the energy of self pity is having a direct effect upon the relationships that I have within my world/reality.

When and as I see myself looking at my past and seeing myself as a failure I stop. I Breathe. I see realize and understand that in doing so I am participating in an intense self judgment in believing myself as being a disappointment, and how it is in these moments, that I allow self pity to creep in, thus instead, I Commit myself to see the moment as a gift, an opportunity to investigate, forgive and strengthen myself.

When and as I see myself within a moment of self judgment I stop, I breathe. I see, realize, and understand how important it is to understand the nature of self judgment in that if I participate in and as it, I’m giving way for that ‘feeling bad about myself emotion‘, which activates self pity and then, the whole process itself weakens and disempowers my ability to remain aware of myself because at that point, I’m already seesawing within and as my mind as the thing which then takes over my entire physical body. Therefore I commit myself to not accept and allow the domino effect to fall from/as the self judgment, to the feeling bad emotion, into the self pity where I then get stuck in a pit that can cause depression as well as self abdication.

I commit myself to stop attacking myself with and through self judgments.

I commit myself to Stop judging myself because I see, realize and understand that self judgment is a method the mind uses to ensure self sabotage.

I commit myself to identify the cause, source and origin of when self judgment come up to thus stop reactions and/or attacks on myself and/or others.

I commit myself to examine what I know deep within me in that I am no longer willing to accept, allow, nor believe the judgments that I’ve carried around like baggage from my past/mind, to instead redefine who I am as self pity and change my relationship to/as it through changing myself in the actual moment that self judgment begins, as well as going back into my past, in the memories, to see where I’ve given in to self pity so as to correct and redefine myself in/as the memory itself.

I commit myself to redefine who I am and my relationship to self pity by looking at the moment /my past to a memory of/or when self judgment came, to have a look at who am I in the moment as I forgive the self judgment thereby changing my relationship to the memory/moment into and as a solution by making a Stand to Not allow myself to give in to my mind as consciousness, backchat and/or the energy of self pity.

I commit myself to release myself from the accepted and allowed indulgence into and as self pity.

I commit myself to release myself from the positive connotation to self pity.

I commit myself to when self judgment tries to come up, to instead speak self-forgiveness as a gift to myself, using self pity as a way to move myself from consciousness to self awareness and strengthen my stand in relationship to my mind.

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“Fear of self’s truth = self judgment = self pity: Which form a wound within self, wanting it to be healed by another as to so deem ourselves as not being ‘so bad’ and ‘terrible’ for what we have accepted and allowed within ourselves. But doing this – is not taking self responsibility and there’s no-one able to judge us, but ourselves.

I understand now that there’s no-one able to judge me, but myself and that I really actually create what I experience within me – and therefore I, I alone, must STOP.”  ~ The Truth Hurts: Part Three by Benazir Bhutto

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Day 272: Woman to Woman

unite1I’m not sure exactly how old I was the first time I knew I wanted to be a woman that other women would refer to as tough.

It was around the time I was in the 6th grade,- and as it would happen, I would have the same specific thought pattern occur many times throughout my life – where within my mind, I believed I could ‘think’ my way’ to being ‘tough’. The thoughts were nothing more than a desire to be seen by other women as a woman who is ‘tough’.

I was serious about it to, and within my mind, in how I defined myself, came with it an energetic feeling that began around the top of my head and worked it’s way slowly down my physical body. It was like I experienced myself as giving myself some sort of mental armor.  Within that mental armor I pretended I could temporarily protect myself from getting my feelings hurt. It was  all about the energy and participating in certain thought pattterns kept a positive energetic experience seemingly intact.

This wanting to be seen as ‘tough’ came to be the way in which I would give myself a false sense of security until finally I began to notice how when I’d be in the energy of it my chest would somewhat stick out and my physical body would experience a stiffness. It was like being on guard within myself and border lining on paranoia.

This is a point I’ve been investigating as I seen myself recently unfold, so to speak. This when after 13 months, my daughter, her partner and my 3 1/2 year old granddaughter recently moved into a place of their own. It was the moment when they first left, and as they drove out of sight, it was like I saw myself finally let my guard down, and what I realized about myself was how since the moment they moved in, I became that ‘toughness’ that I’ve just been referring to.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define other women’s  opinions of me as being tough to be important because it gave me an excuse to keep my distance within the relationships, to never completely give my all for fear that if I give my all, I will be hurt, left alone in a display of weakness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become focused on and tempted by the energy that came with the thoughts and feelings of believing myself as being tough and for how I overlooked the fact that what I was experiencing within myself was based solely upon the specific relationship that I was having within and as my mind and projecting it unto the relationships within my life.

I commit myself to when and as I see myself going into that ‘tough’ person/character, I stop, I breathe. I see realize and understand that I am aware of the energetic/feeling that I get around the top area of my head right above my eyebrows as an indicator for me to Stop, Breathe,  Remain aware, to not allow myself to go further into and as the energy. To instead give myself the opportunity to change in the moment to one where I share an intimate moment of equality with another living being, where we see ourself in each other – within an otherwise awkward moment – to within an intimate understanding of each other as life according to what’s best for all.

I commit myself to see, realize and understand, that in keeping my relationships with others working as a character who is ‘tough’, keeps me focused on the illusion as the relationship with the characters within and as my mind – which ultimately keeps fueling my mind through energy fluctuations of positive and negative as the drama of hope and the feeling of love is played throughout the relationships that I’ve had not only with women, but with men as well, therefore,  I commit myself to redefine who I am within and as the relationship.

I commit myself to take responsibility for myself and to the best of my ability, move myself to do what is required in order of me in order to bring forth a World/Money System that will function according to what’s Best for All.

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Women to Women, Please Investigate The Basic Income Guaranteed

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Day 252: Confessions of a Mom

Day 271: Calling the Beast by it’s Name – Breast Cancer – Death of a Relationship – Day 38

To share how one experience themself when someone close to them dies, doesn’t come easy for most of us because the subject of death is one we work hard to avoid. I mean on the one hand we want to talk with others about how shocked we are from the loss of a loved-one through a sudden or unexpected death, yet on the other hand, the topic of death itself triggers our ultimate fear, our fear of death and dying.
death of a relationship
Since being diagnosed some 10 months ago with Breast Cancer, I’ve been investigating my fear of death, even still it is very uncomfortable when death hits close to home.  It’s like looking behind yourself, to your past to see yourself, yet knowing full well within yourself,  that you did not see ‘it’ coming, ‘it’ being ‘death’, which always brings with it, the ‘death of a relationship’.

My favorite uncle was admitted into the hospital for Bacterial Pneumonia, and this is an all to familiar road because in my family, my mother and my brother, both died from pneumonia, and then now, my uncle has died from it as well, he was 53.

My uncle was one of the funniest people I’ve ever been around, and I wish I would have called him a month ago when the thought of doing so was triggered when my daughter mentioned she’d seen him where she had been working that day.

This time as the news of the death of a close family member came, I became oddly aware of how it was like for a moment, time stood still and for a split second I saw no difference between death and life. Meaning in how we exist here, acting like we’re life,  all the while existing like the living dead in how we accept and allow things like war, poverty and starvation to exist.  All I know is, that in that moment,  life and death seemed oddly the same and if only for a moment, there was no evidence within me of fear.

The moment of having no fear was of course fleeting, and I watched as I allowed myself to get sucked into the memories of the relationship I had with my uncle.  I remained aware of how my mind wanted to indulge in an enjoyable recollection of past events which came with an uncomfortable feeling of regret, guilt and sadness.  An all to familiar feeling within my mind that comes with the death of a relationship.

For the moment, this is all I can share,  but I will be watching and reading Heaven‘s Blog, because the specific context that’s being walked is about when something unexpected happens within one’s world that is personally-traumatic, where one go into an absolute mental and physical shock.

This will prove to be very assisting for how I’ve experienced myself the last couple of weeks – in how I felt ‘hectic’ inside myself when the fact is, it was hectic because of how within my mind I’ve been grieving within the fear of loss.  Basically, I’ve participated within and as the energy of regret, guilt and sadness while facing my ultimate fear, my fear of death and dying…

Alright, that’s all for now.

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Be Sure to Read:
Shock, Trauma and Stress: DAY 479

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Day 176: After Death Communication – Part 25

“This World Is, Practically Speaking: Judgment Day. You’re Living it, Every day, Every breath. You are Living, Your Judgment. And, as you Judge, whether it is to Pretend that you are More than Life, or that you are the Product of Allowed Abuse, and thus Less than it : you are the One that Choose. You are the one that Decide. You are the One that Determine. You are the One that Allow. You are the One that Accept. You are the One Who will Find, that what is Here, is what is Hereafter. Unless you Change, while you’re Here, Proven Steadfastly, that you have In Fact Changed, Consistently, Breath by Breath, Never to Again Allow Life to Fall under your Self Interested Judgment; unless you Walk this in such a Steadfast Way that you will Never be Doubted, because you Never Doubt yourself, because You Will Stand regardless of what it Takes, to Bring About that Which is Best for Life, in Every Way, Always: You’ll Not be Worthy of Life.

And, because you don’t know when your Last Breath is, I suggest: You Stand Fast, and then Remain Steadfast. Because, by Now, Commonsense should Show you, that when you Die – All that Happens to the Dead, is that the Living try and keep their Memory Alive.” Bernard Poolman

Day 270: How to Stop being at odds with myself

You know that moment when you’re driving somewhere unfamiliar, and you’re looking and driving and looking for the correct street, then suddenly you convince yourself you’re going in the wrong direction so you turn around, then, you find out later that you turned right before you would have gotten to the place you were looking for? That’s how I would describe what it felt like within myself when I referred to myself as being ‘at odds with myself’. It’s like my wants were in conflict with my needs, and it’s a point that opened up as a memory was triggered of a very emotional and very dark time in my life.

sly

So as I’ve investigated the point further, I realized my inner war has been in my relationship between life  and death and/or right and wrong and in relationship to any and ALL  positive and negative energetic experiences.

Seeking energy is a problem that keeps me going within my fear of death – which has always been creeping forth from within me – even when I didn’t realize that the very world/money system that I live in, and that I have supported, is in fact deciding my choices for me through my fear of survival.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make decisions according to emotions and feelings and/or the negative vs the positive where through and as negative energetic reactions of/as hope, faith and fear of survival, I sought my desires and accepted and allowed a positive energy/ego experience, paying no attention to the consequences that doing so created.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how having to depend upon another for my survival not only compounds and manifests more fear, it also supports internal conflict, which unfortunately determines how I will function and respond to others within and as my world/reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to avoid facing the fears that exist within me and instead allowed myself to be lead down the same path of self destruction over and over within a vicious cycle of self defeating behaviours within the mind-set of right vs wrong.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to struggle with internal conflict, where I secretly disagree or quarrel with myself and then deliberately focus my blame on the externalities of my world as being the reason for why things keep going wrong in my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make up my mind through assumption, which is self deception, and for how I put myself in a position where I’m lying just to save face and / or to deliberately harm or deceive/manipulate others to think thoughts that I know will have consequences – where a person cannot self realize, and/ or to say or act in revenge and/or jealousy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to chase a dream that I created in my mind through advertisements and television that fuel a desired experience of ego, where in self interest I seek to fulfill my own wants, needs and desires which ultimately keeps me enslaved and trapped within and as them chasing energy as imagined dreams.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I carry some dark energy / memory of myself within my mind that governs/directs me according to my past experiences, and determines my future whether through deliberate choice or self automation.

When and as I see myself experiencing myself within a negative energetic experience that presents itself within emotions of faith, hope and fear, I stop.  I Breathe.  I Direct myself to investigate the motive behind the desire to replace the negative with a positive and to see, realize and understand that self trust and self change come when one stop one’s ego-mind-energy.

I commit myself to stop running from myself and Face who I am as a negative energetic experience so to forgive myself for chasing the dream of ‘if only’.

I commit myself to not make up my mind through assumption and to instead have responsibility towards myself and others as myself according to what’s best for all.

I commit myself to getting to know who I really am and to see, realize and understand that dreams and desires cannot be sustained as they exist of energy which inevitably come to an end – where I’m left with nothing – as the nothing the dreams and desires consisted of and existed as, because they exist of/as energy and aren’t real to begin with.

I commit myself to assist and support myself to change the definition of Life and Death to one that is supportive of All Life – from the beginning of one’s Life until death according to what’s best for all.

For Further Clarity, Please download:  Life Angel and Death Devil – Life Review

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“We are in a Society where our Community is Designed by Our Communication, being mostly TOLD WHAT we should ACCEPT as Real and What Not.

Communication like Television, Movies, Magazines, Newspapers and fraudulently conjured up Academic Textbooks to make the Lecturers some Money (See the College Conspiracy Documentary) – All in the Name of the Ultimate Communication, which is “Happiness Consumption”.

The Communication BEHIND All this, is that you’ll be Unhappy, if you do not do your Best to be a Success in Society and make Lots of MONEY to “Live the Dream”, being communicated, nowadays, through Visual and Sound – combined Visions that Tell you what Dream you should Aspire to.” Bernard Poolman

Day 164: After Death Communication – Part 13

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Investigate Living Income Guaranteed

Day 269: Owner of a Broken Heart?

I was flipping the television channels when I saw a glimpse of a girl from a soap opera – I don’t watch the soap opera but nonetheless her face reminded me of me – it triggered a memory of an experience that I had not long after my 16th birthday.

The thought process that was triggered led me into thinking how ‘this thing’ that happened to me,  was my first time at being the owner of a broken heart.  Now, there have been a few times throughout my life when I referred to myself as being broken hearted, and since to my mind I’ve placed importance in the idea of having had my heart broken,  it’s thus best, if I investigate to see what’s really going on so I can forgive myself.

So this particular time, was when I was 16, which was when I made the decision to have sex for my first time with this guy that I had been dating and making out with heavily for almost a year. Even now I can for a moment access the energy as I remember my thoughts / backchat back then which was leading and influencing my decision, because in my mind,  I would replay the energy of our nightly and lengthy make out sessions over and over.

Immediately after we had sex that first time, my mind began to freak out a little with questions like:  what if the condom breaks and what if I get pregnant? If I got pregnant I didn’t know how I would face my mom, so after a couple of more times of having sex after the first time, I told this guy – who my ‘freedom’ as a teenager greatly depended upon at this time because my parents trusted him – I told him that I just couldn’t have sex with him anymore for awhile because I was scared I’d get pregnant.  I remember he looked right into my eyes as he smiled and said ‘hey, no problem’.   I remember thinking how great it was to have such an understanding and caring boyfriend.

shattering reflections of me

A week later, I heard it from a friend that heard it from a friend – yes really!  That he was messing around, with a woman that was 10 years older than him!, (he was 21).  I remember that day like it was yesterday… I was sixteen with a drivers license but no car, and I needed to get to my boyfriends apartment and fix how I was feeling.  He lived about 5 blocks from me so I got on my 10 speed bike and cried the entire time as I rode it to his place.

It was early spring and I remember thinking in the midst of my crying and pedaling, how it was to beautiful of a day to feel like I was feeling, which was sad, lonely and angry.   He wasn’t home when I got there and it didn’t matter because it was my experience within those first moments – when something changes the nature of the relationship in a way where you know it’ll never be the same – it was in that moment that my definition of how love has to do with being ‘the owner of a broken heart’, came to be.  Within that single moment I became acquainted with what love and betrayal ‘feels’ like and I ‘thought’ my world had just crashed before me all because I was having a negative experience of myself.   It’s these such momemts that I let energy in and in doing so I allow harm to my physical body and thus my physical world/reality.

So I must look realistically at such a moment, in how dramatic I made the whole thing out to be.  Here one can see the extent of self interest because with ALL the atrocities that exist within our world, like poverty, war and starvation, we’re broken hearted over what we refer to as hurt feelings…

It is here that I see my dependency on the ‘energetic experience’, where I take myself from hot to cold with positive and negative experiences from love to the extreme opposite, as anger - all for the energy of it, for my mind as consciousness to use my physical body to fuel itself…

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hide my anger through acts of love, peace and even gentleness, where I may behave happy, joyful, gladdened and/or appear physically calm, composed or tranquil even as I’m suppressing myself within and as the energy of love and anger to fuel who I am as my mind as consciousness.

I commit myself to within every moment breathe and face and forgive who I am as anger.

commit myself to show myself who I am free from energetic experiences and to provide adequate care for my physical body first and foremost.

I commit myself to Stop pretending to be an automation of myself as a character of anger and suppression - because I see, realize and understand that behaving and becoming a reactive pattern of love and anger is and have always been my way of avoiding facing and taking responsibility for what I have accepted and allowed.

I commit myself to facing all the moments wherein my life I referred to and/or defined myself as being the owner of a broken heart because I see, realize and understand that investigating, understanding and forgiving these points will bring about an awareness of self, a clarity – an end to anger.

Become Someone You’re Satisfied With

Begin Desteni I Process

A Great Read:  Day 564 The Decision to Self-Investigate